Life is throwing curves left right and center, I feel like there are doubts in my mind because I am so close to attaining what I have always wanted and known. I feel like if I abandon my inner most desire that I will lose what I waited for all my life.
I have my daughter feeling like I resented her when she was growing up, I didn't resent her, I resented the choices I made. I think the world of her, she is doing everything right, she is married to a wonderful man that she loves and he loves her, she has a great job doing what she wants to do, they have a house. She is living the dream that I had for myself, she did things the right way. I am so glad she didn't make the choices I made, yet she feels as if I resent her???
I have my friend that no matter how many times I reach out to be friends, keeps ignoring me, what resentment do they hold against me that they cannot even say 'hi'? Wow, am I that terrible that I don't even rate a hi? I never thought so but when you have been friends with someone well over 20 years and shared secrets that you told no one else, then what am I to think, why is there resentment on their part?
It makes me wonder what is wrong with me that two people that I love so deeply in this world can dislike me so much as to ignore me when I am hurting beyond belief. I would never want to hurt anyone that much, especially the people that I love.
I know I have to get past this issue and realize that it isn't mine, it's just so hard as I don't want to lose these people out of my life. I feel like there would be an empty hole in my heart that no one could ever fill.
I have my daughter feeling like I resented her when she was growing up, I didn't resent her, I resented the choices I made. I think the world of her, she is doing everything right, she is married to a wonderful man that she loves and he loves her, she has a great job doing what she wants to do, they have a house. She is living the dream that I had for myself, she did things the right way. I am so glad she didn't make the choices I made, yet she feels as if I resent her???
I have my friend that no matter how many times I reach out to be friends, keeps ignoring me, what resentment do they hold against me that they cannot even say 'hi'? Wow, am I that terrible that I don't even rate a hi? I never thought so but when you have been friends with someone well over 20 years and shared secrets that you told no one else, then what am I to think, why is there resentment on their part?
It makes me wonder what is wrong with me that two people that I love so deeply in this world can dislike me so much as to ignore me when I am hurting beyond belief. I would never want to hurt anyone that much, especially the people that I love.
I know I have to get past this issue and realize that it isn't mine, it's just so hard as I don't want to lose these people out of my life. I feel like there would be an empty hole in my heart that no one could ever fill.
I have my reasons for thinking this way, but that's ok. I still love you and am very greatful that you chose to keep me. I wouldn't change a thing.
ReplyDeleteLove, me.