Figuring out why?

The past few days I have been wondering why we do the things we do when we know the things we know. I sometimes feel like it is just too hard to do what we know and we choose the easier path even though in the long run it will be more difficult for us.

For me, I feel like I have tried the road that I know is right but it leaves me feeling so incomplete. I feel like I am just existing and never truly happy. I don't think that is the way that I am supposed to feel but that is truthfully what is in my heart. So, I see myself making choices in my life that I would be freaking out if my children made. Yet, I continue doing these things because they give instant gratification. I see short term results that make me happy, yet I know deep down that long term, it will not be good.

Being on that long term road, rarely brought any joy though, I was always waiting for something good to happen, something that would make me feel like it was worth it. So, now I sit here and I wonder what is really the correct choice in my life.

I know what some people think, I have heard it all... but don't we ultimately have to make the decision for ourselves. If I am to believe all that I have been taught throughout my life, I am the one that is responsible for my future and I will be the one that handles the outcome or fall out.

It is funny, as when I was younger... I really thought things were one way or the other, I no longer believe this, I really think there are so many things that can actually be different for each person. I am not saying that there are not basic things we need to be doing but I just don't think there is a line in the middle that has do this on one side and don't do this on the other.

I think life is constantly about figuring out what is right for us at that time in our lives.. who knows the real answers for sure, as long as we are good and decent people who love our family and friends and where we always attempt to try our best and if we are truly happy with our decisions... maybe that's all we can ask!