Random Thoughts

I have been having a difficult time sleeping lately, a lot of it is the heat but I do think there are other factors at play.  I am getting close to my birthday which I was so excited about until the past day or so. I just don't even want to think about spending my birthday alone this year.  I don't how to make it different, I thought one thing only to find out another. This whole week has been off for me, I just cannot believe that I have allowed myself to feel this way again.

This week brought back strong memories of all the hurtful things my ex used to say to me over and over. He actually told me that I was, old, fat, ugly and disgusting.  Such hurtful words that I allowed to shape me. I want to change those words in my head and never think of them again. Unfortunately last week brought the memories up so strongly when I put myself out there and it didn't work out. It really is not the greatest feeling, pretty hard to handle but I am hoping I will grow from it and not let it bring me down.

Well I have had a lot of time to think and wonder how to move on, still not sure but I do know that I want to move on.  I don't want to allow myself to go back to difficult place I was at, not so long ago. I am stronger than I think I am, I will overcome and I will grow stronger because of it.