Insomnia

Well, I was tired when I went to bed at 11:00 pm but here I am wide awake after an hour and a half. I am starting to wonder if we really need as much sleep as we are advised. Then again, it is really hard to function at work sometimes when I have had very little rest. When I had insomnia years ago, I would fight it and stay in bed trying so hard to go to sleep, now... I just give in, get up and do something relaxing to see if it will help me to actually fall asleep.

Of course I had no problem sleeping when I was on vacation but then boom, back to work and now I can't sleep. I know it is many things that are contributing and I just wish I could turn my mind off the way I can turn my blackberry off.  Still, my mind wanders. 

Today has just been stressful, first day back after five days, busy at work, a ton of cases and then coming home to find out my little Valentina is going to have to spend too much time at the dentist getting fillings. Plus lack of money and worrying about how I will catch up, I should know better though, money is something I shouldn't worry about... everything always works out ultimately. However; I do need to be more careful about how I spend it and be a little more conscious.

Also, no matter how much effort I try to focus my mind on other things, the same thing keeps coming back to me. I could be sitting at work, minding my own business; thinking about what a client needs done then wham... there's the name and then I am lost in thought and wondering how I got to this point again?  I somehow wish the name was not all that common. I can bet my name is not thought of nearly enough since it is not at all common. I do love my name though, it is unique and pretty.

I sometimes think if I had what I wanted than it would change things in a good way but I also know that if I am to have what I want, I have to be happy with where I am right now. That has been my whole problem, I have never been truly happy where I am.  I guess when I learn that I will have my hearts desire.

I have come so far from where I started, I am grateful for that.  I started raising my oldest daughter when I was just 18 years old. I went to school, took night courses, worked part time jobs for years, even working two jobs at once for three years until I finally had to settle down and raise Valentina.  I finally ended up with a pretty good job a few years ago which then helped me get the job I have now. I just need to learn to live within my means.

Well, I am finally feeling tired, off to bed to hopefully get some sleep and if I dream, I hope they don't keep me awake. At least tomorrow is Friday then I am off for 2 days, thank goodness for short weeks, love them<3