Wondering

I read an inspirational quote today that made me think about why I keep repeating the same mistake over and over. Most things in my life, I seem to learn the lesson I need to and then move on to the next challenge but for one aspect of my life, I keep repeating the same mistake over and over. I keep wondering what is it that I am supposed to learn from this challenge so that I can move on.

I think because I want to be loved, needed and wanted so much that I become blind to what a person is really like.  I try to become what they want so that I can have them. Definitely not having much luck in that department, I guess I am afraid to be myself, thinking no one could possibly love the real me. The truth is that I am like everyone else, I just want someone to cuddle with, someone to talk to, someone who can love me.  I definitely don't want my ex step mother or my ex husband to be right, I want to prove them wrong. I am worth loving, worth being with.

When I care for someone, they are all that I can think of, I want to make them happy, I want to show them  how important they are to me.  Don't we all just want to be validated and know that we are worth loving?  Even though I am terrified to love someone else, I don't want to give up on love. I have a great deal to offer someone, I am honest, faithful, attentive and loving when I am in a relationship.

So excited that I am going to see my sister Darlene and my brother in law Tim tomorrow. Too bad it is only for the day but I can't wait to see them. I am going to spend the whole day downtown with them.  At least my whole weekend wasn't a waste, back to work Tuesday. I am going to get some sleep, it's been a long day today.