17 Pounds Down and Counting

So, I finally got to the doctor to get weighed, 17 pounds gone, still working on more. It is slower than it used to be, I used to be able to drop 10 pounds the first week and then 3 or 4 a week after that. Anyhow, I came home and had a weekend of eating whatever I wanted, not sure why I did that. It's like sabataging myself but I am getting back on track tomorrow, in more ways than one.

I also had a pretty interesting weekend, not exactly what I had hoped for but all in all not terrible. I think too much sometimes, I want to just say how I feel but I am so damned afraid of rejection.  It's a terrible feeling to have, putting yourself out there to possibly get hurt. Even so, sometimes I think it would be worth it to at least say how I feel and just get it over.

What's the worst thing that can happen?  You won't talk to me ever again, well... you don't really talk to me now, you will never see me again, I don't see you now. I am pretty sure I am tired of living in fear and always trying to cover it with whatever can help me to cope. Coping isn't living, it is just getting by and that is not a way to live. So, I am going to do something about it, take a chance and then move on one way or the other.  Being in limbo is not all that great.

I have pretty well wasted the last three days, just sleeping and being lazy, now I have a ton of housework to keep me busy for the next couple of days.  Thank goodness I have a short week next week and extremely happy to be on the 9:30-5:30 now, not so worried if I miss the shuttle now. This year end is looking like it might shape up to be a much easier one that the past ones. Even though I am nervous about losing what I know, I am kind of happy not to be doing projects.  It is one less thing for me to stress about.

Anyhow, I am thinking of you and finding it hard to sleep, what else is new. This is par for the course for me, constantly being bombarded with thoughts of you.  Sometimes it's overwhelming but I am pretty sure I wouldn't change how I feel, at least I feel alive and not like some older women I know that seemed to have given up. I don't want to give up on passion or love.