I just want to understand

I just don't understand somethings, I am not sure that I ever will. Some people drive me crazy, with all their indecision.  I'm the kind of woman that needs to lay it on the table and just say it how it is, unfortunately that is not how all people are and with some people you just can't handle them like that. That makes me wonder why I allow myself to be drawn in over and over.

I am wondering what the pay off is, everyone always says that there has to be some sort of pay off or we wouldn't continue to do the things we do.  So, what is my pay off, I guess that if I figure that out, that is when I will be able to close that chapter on my life.  I just felt a chill when I thought about closing that chapter, not quite sure why, maybe I am not ready to close it yet.

I want to believe that if I continue to believe that I will have what I desire the most. Sometimes it is so hard to always believe when you just don't know what all in is involved. Anyhow, I am happy that I am having 2 short weeks in a rowat work, I really need those 5 days off.  I plan to have one night on my own, maybe go out for a bit.