Feeling More Myself

I haven't been sick for over 2 years and then I finally became sick, almost a week ago.  It wasn't the worst I have felt but it never feels good when you are ill. I ended up having to take the day off work and anyone who knows me, knows that I never take time off work. I usually go, no matter how I feel but as the morning went on, I could see that it wouldn't be a good idea for me or for work for me to go.  So, even though I despise taking time off, I took the day for me.

It ended up being a good thing, I got some much needed rest.  Cindy came over and she helped me get the laundry done and I was able to get the dishes done. Then I laid down for a few hours, it helped to rejuvenate me. Although I am not 100%, I do feel a lot better!  Sometimes we just need to take a day for ourselves, a day to listen to our bodies and rest.

I am hoping I can go for another run of 2 years or more before I get ill again, it has been great not getting sick just like that. Tomorrow is a long day for me, I have a busy day at work. Then I see my councillor, it has been three weeks.  I wonder if she can handle me chatting for a whole hour, non stop.  Good thing my life can be entertaining at times (for other people, lol). 

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so stubborn, it gets me in trouble.  It has served me well in some aspects of my life except for where I want it to serve me.  I wish I could figure out why some things are so easy and why others are so hard. It's like I have a mental block when it comes to having what I want more than anything in my life.  I often wonder if I am fearful that if I actually received what I wanted that it wouldn't be as good as I always hoped.

I am still willing to take the chance though, even if it were short term because, honestly what is a life if you have never loved?  A pretty boring life!  I am one person who doesn't want to live a boring life, I crave excitement, passion and love. I deserve it like anyone else, I just have to believe, like I believe with anything else in my life that works out easy.

Don't get me wrong, nothing in life is simple.  It's just that when I strongly believe in certain things, they seem to come easier, like the job I want, the place I want to live...etc.  Love and relationships take a lot more work, the kind I am willing to invest in but it is not all up to me. Maybe that is the difference. I have to have the other person believe as much and be willing to take the chance too.  I am not good at leaving my fate in other peoples hands but I have do what I can and then just believe.