The Past is Not Who I Am

I have been having some wonderful overpowering feelings that have taken me by surprise. Feelings that I was sure I would not or could not have again, I mean I am close to 50 years old and I thought that was all in the past.

I was completely surprised that I could have all those thoughts and feelings and that they were even more intense than before. I have been pondering how this could be and I realized that it's not that we cannot have those feelings, it's that we have become jaded and closed off.  Too afraid to open up, too afraid to be hurt.

When you look at the world with the eyes of a child and just let your heart feel, you cannot help but be happy in your life.  It's when you let the hardships of life drag you down and allow you to become negative that you start to grow old in your thoughts.  Yes it is scary, but really it's so worth it for even a moment of the pure joy you feel.

Also, you never know where it can lead, maybe to something you never thought possible.  Maybe it is a path you are supposed to be on to lead you to where you are supposed to be.

I have stopped questioning my past decisions, they have led me to where I am right now and where I am right now is amazing.  So yes, I haven't always made great choices but I learned so much from each and every choice. From all those decisions, I realized I only wanted the best in my life, nothing part way, all the way or nothing.

Having anything part way is really having nothing!  Living my life open, honest, giving and allowing myself to follow my heart is the only way I want to live anymore. I suppose the falls can be hard and scary but I don't care, just getting by is not living, it is existing and I don't want to just exist, I want to live fully.