Never Settle

When I stopped being a victim about my past relationships, I was open to a healthy loving one. I pondered my past relationships and learned the lessons they were meant to bring.  This really made me see, people are in our lives for a reason, we just have to figure out why. 

Being empowered is so much better then living in fear. I don't fear losing this man I'm with, we both feel grateful to have found each other.  We want to be together because we actually like each other, we feel the other person is interesting.

What a novice idea for me and most woman. A man who loves us for ourselves, no games involved. I would never settle for less in the future.

I had to know for myself that I was worthy of real love, when I did, he appeared or re appeared.  This man is my high school crush and since he's always been kind and honest, I can believe him when he tells me loves me.

Settling is sad and if all people could feel real love, they'd want nothing less!

I Won't Give Into Fear

It amazes me daily that when I have a negative thought, it doesn't last because I see it for what it is, fear. I refuse to live in fear ever again, I want to do things that I swore I would never do when I was younger.  I want to show that girl she was so much stronger than she ever believed.

She never believed that having someone truly love her was a possibility, wow... I was so afraid of never having it that I pushed it away and I did things to prove I was lovable and put up with things that I never should have tolerated.  I am so grateful though, if I had not went through that journey, I wouldn't be where I am right now.

I wouldn't trade my experiences in the past because I may not be where I am now and be who I am with.  I have someone now who I believe, he's honest, kind, caring, thoughtful, sweet, loving... he is what every woman would want in their life.  I want him in my life because he's led me to believe that I too am someone he can believe, trust, feel safe with.  I wish everyone could have that, it is better than any love we attempt to fill our lives with in the past and present.

A Christmas wish I have had for many years was to have a calm, happy and relaxed Christmas.  I am getting that and I get David with it, he's right, we are both lucky to have found each other.

I have goals again, I've had a desire to travel... I am planning for that to happen now.  I have many things that I want to do, I am looking forward to everything. I love that I feel so alive, I love that I believe in myself and mostly I love that I don't give into fear.

Changing How We Believe

 I was reading over some of my tweets last night and there are ones there that are from July about how happy I was with the road I was on as I felt it was leading to something special.  I had no idea what or who that special something was but it ended up being someone I never dreamed possible came back into my life.

I realized that I truly had just enjoyed the present time then, I was very happy, I didn't know how much happier I could feel and be.  I gave up that the past could be any different and I am reaching out to the little girl inside me who has felt so alone for so long.  I hope for the future but I don't look for it to make me happy~!~

I look to the present and I accept what is right there in front of me, when I found David there a while back, I almost couldn't believe it was real.  He's made me believe I am deserving of all that he offers me.  We are all worthy of love and worthy of having our dreams. I will never give up on what I know to be true.

I love the words from the song 'Feels Like Home' especially the following verse:

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

I truly believe that we just have to put ourselves out there each day and follow the path we know we were meant to be on, if we do this, we cannot help but be happy.  Do I think we can be happy all the time?  I do believe that how we react to the difficult things in life decides how happy we will be.  It's because we we honestly believe ourselves and what we tell ourselves.  When we tell ourselves we are not worthy of love, it's true, we make that happen but when we open ourselves to the possibility of love, it manifests itself in ways you never could have hoped for.

For this moment I will be happy, this moment is all I have:).  Wishing anything different would mean I was losing out on some really wonderful blessings in my right here and right now.

Believe What You See

I heard something powerful that resonated with me tonight.  I'm sure I've heard it before but it never reached me until this time in my life.

It was stated that we need to believe what people show us about themselves because if we don't we will be allowing them to take small pieces of ourselves. After knowing them we will be less then what we were.

That is exactly what I have allowed many men to do to me over and over throughout the years. I refused to believe when people showed their true selves to me.

I finally got that ah ha moment tonight because I have the sweetest kindest man in my life now. He has shown me himself and he has been nothing but sweet and uplifting to me.

I realized I had such little self esteem in the past that I couldn't see that I had allowed men to push me even lower.  I have been thinking and trying to remember when I started believing it was okay for men to treat me badly.

I don't remember the precise moment but I'm sure it was something small, something I let slide that I shouldn't have.   I don't want my youngest daughter to ever think that kind of behavior is okay.

I'm grateful that I finally have a gentleman in my life, someone who makes me feel like a prize. I never knew that could exist but it does. I just had to believe.