Repeating The Past

Well, I just had an ah ha moment, sometimes they come in small whispers, the easiest way to learn but no, not me, I always wait until it is a big thump, I seem to learn the hard way.  What I mean by all this is that although it was a hard lesson, it's a good one learned.

So, my lesson today was that although I feel like I have come so far, I don't seem to mind going backwards by repeating the past.  I was astounded to think that I have done that.  I was so content and very very happy with my life and then when things didn't turn out just the way I know it will; instead of stopping there, I went above and beyond to cover the pain I felt.  

Not sure how to change it now but I definitely need to figure out a way.  Honesty is always the best way, I think the fear of how things will turn out are actually worse then finding out the outcome.  What is the absolute worst thing that can happen, if I am willing to deal with the worst outcome then I am ready to change.

Change is a part of life, it is needed for us to grow.  I have to remember that, I just need to go with it, instead of always fighting it and repeating the past.  I must say that my learning curve is getting much quicker, I guess because the older I get the less I want to cover pain as trying to do it for so many years has not helped me at all.  Instead I have not lived my best life.

I am making changes, as of now... one by one... until I am where I know I am meant to be.  I just needed that thump to get me started, I will learn to hear the whisper one day, when I have; the lesson has been wonderful immediately.