First Love Versus True Love

In my twenties I was sure I had fallen deeply in love, so much so that I held on to that supposed love for over 20 years in my heart.  It took that long for me to see him as he really was, he was never worthy of my love.  He proved this many years later when I went through one of the worst experiences of my life.  When I told this man that I had been raped, this man that I thought I had loved asked me what I had expected?  Like it was my fault, he acted as if I had brought it on myself. Then he ignored me, which made me feel even less than I already felt.

A couple of years later, I reconnected with David and when I divulged to him what I had went through, he was kind, understanding, loving.... never once did he blame me.  He understood exactly what I went through. What a difference, some men have been taught how to treat a woman... others have no idea.

It was hard for me to believe that I was worth being treated with respect and honesty. I had always attracted men who used me and made me feel less than I was, I know I attracted them to me, as if I had any respect or love for myself, I never would have become involved with any of those men.

I've been taking a course on line that is making me question all the stories I have believed and told myself over the years. You know the one where I'm too fat and not pretty enough, I have carried that story around for years.... I have wasted too much of my life on it. It wasn't even my story, I took it on from other people from the past and made it mine.

I no longer buy into that story, I can't believe in that as no amount of weight loss, money, or recognition will bring true happiness.  I have to believe that I am worth more and deserve more, that is what brings true happiness. My question is why would anyone want to make another human being feel less then wonderful about themselves?... especially if it was a parent or someone that supposedly loves you?

Here is what I learned and truly believe, no one can make me feel bad about myself, only me.  No one can keep me down but me, no one can love me until I learn to love myself.  When I finally learned this and began to love myself, David came along. Someone who would never ever think of doing anything but uplifting me. Isn't that what true love is?

 I put two quotes below as they made me think... for all that time I wasted thinking my so called first love was worth giving all my attention to.  I was wrong,

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second."~Johnny Depp

Being someone's first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect.<3