Investing In Me

I have been wanting to write for the past couple of days but each time I sat down to write my thoughts were muddled.  Nothing clear was coming through, I am pretty sure it's because my house has become a source of stress for me.  I have come to realize that my house is fast becoming a metaphor for how I'm feeling inside.

I know a lot of this chaos started happening when my relationship with David changed in January.  Although we are closer to each other than any other people.  He's my best friend, my soul mate, my rock.  I can say or do anything and he will always be there for me. I want the whole thing though, I want the fairy tale love ending. I deserve that.  I can't settle for less for it won't bring me lasting happiness.

I have finally committed to going back to church, I've always known I should be back there and David has supported me in this change. I'm really grateful that he is understanding and that he thinks it is good for me. I really believe that being loving and supporting of the people we love is what brings us closer to each other.

I have been trying to come to terms with how everything played out with David and me and in the process my house became what I couldn't handle.  Now it has become so out of control that I don't know where to start, it all seems so over whelming.  I need a goal, when I make a goal I seem to thrive, I just haven't made the goal.  I'm pretty sure that if I make the decision to actually clean and organize my house that would mean I would have to deal with other aspects of my life.

I made a step today to invest in me, I decided I am worth the time and energy to figure out why I have done some of the things in my life and made the choices I have made. I was asked a question tonight... 'What three things are stopping you from becoming what you want to be?"  I only had one answer, it was me... I am the only thing stopping me.  I have no one to blame for my choices, only me.

If I want that fairy tale love ending, I have to be honest and open with me, to make the changes to be able to have all that I desire.  Anything less means that I don't believe I deserve it.