Never Ending Lessons

 I am reminded daily that we never stop learning.  My career teaches me this, I learn something new daily there, it is never boring. Most people would think payroll was a boring career... I am never bored at work, I am challenged all day at my job and that is actually a good thing as it keeps me on my toes.  I like that... if I were to ever know my job fully, which is impossible, I would be sooo bored.

I also see how I never stop learning in life, sometimes the lessons are so painful that they are difficult to handle but I always find that ultimately it is a good thing.  Although some of those lessons take a long time to see that they are good.  My latest challenge that I had was in my seminar on Saturday when I had to come to terms with an incident in my life.  Everyone who reads my blog knows that I am madly, passionately in love with my high school crush David.  I was so excited that he actually had feelings for me last fall and we talked non stop for a couple of months and then spent the 2011 holidays together... the best I ever had.

But I had to accept that I somehow knew deep in my heart that David wasn't ready for an emotional relationship with me, he had just ended a long term one not too long before we started dating long distance.  I thought I asked the right questions when I asked if I was a rebound?  But really I was asking him to assure me that I wasn't so that I could take that as permission to fall head over heels in love with him... somehow I knew he wasn't ready... I guess I didn't care, I wanted to believe in that fairy tale love and romance, I had wanted him for so long that I let that slide.  I thought if he came here and spent time with me, held me and woke up with me that he would love me as much as I loved him.

That was one painful lesson, he realized he wasn't ready and my dream was crushed.  I was so sad and I sobbed for days.  I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't function... luckily David kept in continual contact with me, he was so worried and sad himself.  The truth is that he does love me and he always will, no matter how this all turns out in the future.  We are closer than I ever thought possible, even though it isn't what I wanted at this time, I will always have him in my life.

The lesson here was that I didn't trust myself enough to know that I knew he wasn't ready, it all came down to me feeling I wasn't enough.  David is right though, I am more than enough, I deserve true, honest and faithful love.  When my heart heals one day, I may be ready to take that chance again in the future.