The Purpose Of Me

I have been taking many seminars on finding my purpose, I had been so lost for so long.  I remember feeling there was no way out of the horrible state I was in when I was married to my ex Andrey.  I was wrong, there is always a way out, there is always a chance to move on and grow. I just had to believe in myself and find out that fear is actually something that can motivate me.

I am free, it started with one of my best friends Cindy who stood by me and helped me stand up to Andrey and finally get him out of my life.  I was afraid and even though she was afraid inside, I never saw it on the outside.  She got me started four years ago, then instead of going with that.... I went down a dark path because I allowed myself to believe the stories Andrey said about me.  He said I was old, I was fat, I was ugly and I was disgusting.  Really, he couldn't have been more wrong and that story is not my story anymore, that is just a story I have from my past.  I am only 48, that is not old, I am totally enjoying my life now more than ever.  I am not ugly, I may not be beautiful but I am definitely interesting.  I am not disgusting, I am funny, spiritual, creative, honest, positive, energetic, the list goes on and on.  I am amazing, we all are.  I was fat, I am still a big girl but I do not have to stay that way, I have lost 35 pounds in 11 weeks.

Yes, I have lost 35 pounds in 11 weeks and I am loving it, I am different this time... even if I was to falter in the future, I know the path I need to be on and I will never stray far from it again.  I think I was afraid to lose the weight in the past, afraid because I knew I could have amazing potential.  We have all been put here on earth to be happy, truly happy... I finally believe that.  Yes we will have difficult times but nothing and I do mean nothing cannot be overcome.

I know my life has had so many ups and downs over the years, from the fire that burned me extensively as a child, to my abusive ex step mother who did all that she could to destroy me, to being a single mom on welfare, to marrying a man who degraded me and then raped me.  I overcame all of this and more.  I am here to say that we can all overcome the past and be better because of it. There is nothing that can hold us back except us.  I am not going to let me hold myself back from my potential, I deserve the best as we all do.

Fifteen more days and I can go back to social media, better yet twenty-six more days and I can talk to David.  I realized so much from this cleanse, I could give up anything like refined sugar, wheat, social media, etc..... but I could not give up David. it has been so hard with out him, I needed to do this to realize just how close we really are and how amazing our relationship is.  I have so much to tell him, all of it fabulous and uplifting, David has led me back to myself more than any other person I know, he saw the best in me and because he did, I was able to see the best in myself.

I found a path that feels so good, so uplifting, so enlightening... I feel blessed I have found my purpose.