Inspired Plan From Prayer

"The secret is not to give up hope. It's very hard not to because if you're really doing something worthwhile I think you will be pushed to the brink of hopelessness before   you come through the other side."- George Lucas






I have been inspired to do a few things this week and I know that they have been inspired because when I tell people what I'm doing, they are like WHOA, fabulous idea.  I tell them the truth, it's not my idea, it came to me after a prayer.  My youngest and I have prayer in the morning and night, she is diligent in thinking of other people and in saying our prayers daily.

We have been praying for certain things, one was for her teacher that went off work sick a while back, she told me this morning that her teacher was coming back next week (when she went off, they weren't sure she would even be able to come back next year) so Valentina told me we didn't have to pray for her now;).  I also explained that we had to concentrate on one of our prayers, I explained the necessity of it, she agreed.  She reminds me of the importance of prayer daily. She has a child's belief that all she has to do is pray for something good and it will happen, she proves all we have to do is believe.

I think sometimes we don't want to be selfish and pray for ourselves but it's not selfish, the happier we are the more positive and uplifting we will be to the people in our lives;).  I'm excited about my prayers and plan; I haven't been this happy for a long time.  I forgot to simplify it, I was complicating it... What I want and desire in my life is good, not only good for me but good for others.  Ever since I centered myself I can't stop smiling.   

It's like when I knew I was supposed to help a friend of mine, it took me a couple of years to convince him to let me help him but it worked out just the way I knew it should.  I was blessed to be able to be there for him.  What I want now is awesome and unbelievably good, something I didn't believe was possible for me, ALL things are possible.  I can see the bigger picture here, I can see the forever in it, not just here and now.

The more I pray for this and other things the closer I get to Heavenly Father.  He wants us to be happy, He wants us to know that we are amazing and that we deserve to be happy.  I know prayer and religion is not for everyone and I respect everybody's beliefs but I can't pretend it's not for me.  I have grown in leaps and bounds since I realized I needed the truth of what I believed in my life. 

I'm saying a special thank you to my cutie David, he made me see that although I had lived my life inappropriately for over 10 years that I was still worthy to go back to church.  If David could believe in and love me, then certainly Heavenly Father could love me as He is the epitome of love.

When I have doubts now, I just brush them aside and I give them no validity.

Embracing Change

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies." ~ Author Unknown





"We must learn to view change as a natural phenomenon ~ to anticipate it and to plan for it. The future is ours to channel in the direction we want to go... we must continually ask ourselves, 'What will happen if...?' or better still, 'How can we make it happen?' " ~  Lisa Taylor

Change has always scared me in the past, I'm like most people who want to be in control. I had to go through lesson after lesson in my life to learn to embrace change, it is the only way I can live up to my potential.

When I go with the change knowing that it is the only way I can grow, I've been inspired to do, say or write something that someone has needed to hear. I'm grateful when someone is opened to change, they inspire me.  Isn't that we want to do, inspire and uplift each other?

I have had endless opposition lately, I was fighting it, now I say bring it on!  I know where I'm supposed to be in my life, I'm not afraid. I will do what is asked of me, I will go where I'm guided to go. I am stronger then the fear, my resistance is gone.

I forgot what it was that brought me to where I was supposed to be, I started thinking I wasn't good enough, I was sure I didn't deserve all of the wonderful opportunities that were placed in front of me. I nearly pushed it away. That is fear, I am done listening to that weak side of me. I am going to remember that being positive, happy and uplifting drew exactly what I wanted into my life.

I deserve the best, I deserve exactly what I want and I'm NOT giving up until I get what I want.  Whatever I want also wants me; this is my new motto from Jack Canfield. What I want is excellent and an opportunity of forever. I have asked, I believe and I will receive.

"Change has long been a fearful thing for human beings ... and at the same time, it is our most Divine opportunity. Clinging to the banks of the river may seem safe and more secure, but life's possibilities are truly engaged only when we trust, release and become part of The Flow of the Universe." ~ Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line

Everything Is Possible!

When people say you can’t do it~that it’s impossible~never lose hope. Just because they couldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.~DAVID COPPERFIELD

I don't know why I ever let myself have a defeated attitude... nothing and I mean nothing is impossible.  I just have to look at things from a different angle.  I have been looking at my issue one way, like there was no way around it.  There is a way, there is always a way.  I just need to stop being negative, stop thinking that I don't deserve exactly what I deserve.  I am changing my attitude today, this instant.

I am not giving up, I am going to just handle it differently than I have been handling it.  I have been sad, depressed, defeated... hmmm.... you get exactly what you put out there.  I put this quote on my Facebook the other day and neglected to believe it:  "Everything you want also wants you." ~ Jack Canfield<3

So, I am going to be myself, positive, happy, uplifting... also, I am going back to the cleanse for the food part.  I was supposed to start on Monday and I let it slip my mind.  I am starting it tomorrow.  I felt great when I was on it, getting rid of refined sugar and wheat.  I'm pretty sure I will keep dairy as I don't have an issue with that.  I LOVED eating so much salad, fruit and vegetables.

I have been inspired today and started on my plan, one small step at a time and then I will be exactly where I want to be, exactly where I should be.  I believe that what I want is always a possibility unless I take it off the table.  I am not taking this off the table, this is way too important...  There is the tenacity that I have blogged about... the part of me that won't give up until I get exactly what I want.

Memories Bitter And Sweet

Memories are always there for me, be they good or bad.  I used to always try to rid myself of all the nasty one's. I was sure if I did that I could make my life more manageable.  What I've come to find out in the past few years was that I would not be who I am today.

Would I honestly want to trade any of those experiences if it could possibly change who I am today?  I like who I am, I'm a kind, thoughtful and understanding woman.  I am not judgmental, I might have been if I had not lived my life a certain way. I would have missed out on some awesome experiences.

Everything from the fire, to being abused as a child, to the demoralizing behavior and rape from Andrey; they shaped me into who I am today.  Those were awful incidents but I rose above them and I became stronger.  Maybe without those experiences I may not be who I am today.

What if I had not gone through those, maybe I never would have had the opportunity to be with David.  I would NEVER trade a moment I had with him. David showed me how wonderful, kind and loving a man could really be plus he was a fantasy I had for 33 years, he made so many of my dreams come true.

He was the one I finally came clean with about everything, although he was a bit shocked, he NEVER judged me. Without that, I may never have changed my life around by a 180 degree angle.  He centers me now, when I'm sad and I think of trying to hide my emotions, I think of him and I become strong; I don't want to ever disappoint him, I like to make him proud of me.

I change my mind frequently, depending on the moment, if I can handle being in an adult relationship with David since I'm so in love with him; it can be emotionally painful when the feelings are not returned.  I always conclude although it can be sad and difficult; being without him would be much worse.  So many people cannot understand why I just don't cut him out of my life, the truth is that no one is our relationship but David and me, no one should judge.  Only David and I are the ones that can decide about us.

Memories might be bitter and sweet but I am here to say that the sweet completely outweighs the bitter!

Never Lose Hope

I honestly have no idea where I got my tenacity from... it's a great thing to have except when I don't see the results immediately and than I make myself crazy.  Mainly because I start feeling fear as soon as what I know should happen doesn't happen immediately.  I met a guy in September 2009 and almost right away I knew that I was supposed to be there for him, not in the romantic way.  I had feelings for him but I also knew that nothing lasting could come from it and I knew deep down I was just there to help him.

I know that everyone thought I was bonkers and there were times that I thought I needed to get off that wagon but no matter how hard I tried to move on, I KNEW that I was supposed to be there for him... finally in July 2011 he let me help him and I have to say it was one of the happiest times of my life.  It meant I didn't have to worry about him, I had him here so that I could make sure he was okay.  Of course everything comes full circle and he moved on when he was ready.  I wasn't even sad, I was happy for him.

I had the same feeling about Tony for so many years, he finally destroyed that when he not only didn't handle that my ex Andrey raped me but he actually asked me what I expected.   Let me say this loud and clear, I DID NOT expect to be raped, if I had expected that I would not have allowed him into my house that night.  That night changed me, made me vulnerable...  made me out of control.  I knew I had lost Tony that night but it was a year before it finally sunk in that he did not deserve for me to continue to believe.  He had abandoned me in my greatest need.  Just because he didn't feel like he could be my friend he left me to feel horrible about myself.

I somehow continue to hold onto people and ideas, usually it always works out for me, it just takes time, time where I get so close to giving up.   I never like to lose hope, when I know something should be a certain way, I never let go.  I know that there are many people who I have known throughout my life who cannot understand why I do this.  I understand where they are coming from as I sometimes wonder myself but still I don't give up.  Even though it can cause me to have a great deal of pain.  

I remember my grandmother telling me once when I was a teenager that I was very tenacious... at the time I didn't really understand what she meant but as I lived my life, other people said the same thing about me and then I researched exactly what they meant.

I read this in the dictionary and it really did fit me to a tee:

Not readily letting go of, giving up, or separated from an object that one holds, a position, or a principle: "a tenacious grip".

and

Not easily dispelled or discouraged; persisting in existence or in a course of action: "a tenacious legend".

Or in other words stubborn, lol.   I like to think of it as determined; which I am not at all sure is the best thing to be all of the time.  Yes, I do get what I want on a regular basis but boy there are times that the pain I feel is so incredible I wonder how I will survive.   Lucky for me though, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am proven it time and time again.

I Still Believe In Love

This post is inspired by a comment left by one of the people that reads my blog.  She said she didn't believe in the fairy tale of love,  after these past few months I have wanted to not believe either but I can't say that.  Love exists, what I have/had with David was and is real, I didn't imagine all those beautiful and amazing feelings.  Unfortunately dreams change, it is difficult when they change from what we know they should be.

I know my posts have been a little emotional and I am sure they will be for a little while.  Love doesn't go away easily, at least not with me. When I love someone, I love them with my entire heart and soul and the truth is that even though it has not worked out the way that I know it was meant to with David, it doesn't mean that it shouldn't have.  What it means is that people have their own agency and their own fears that they have to get past.

What I had to come to terms with this week is that I needed to figure out if I was strong enough to still be friends with David and I am.  My heart that is broken right now would never be able to heal without him in my life.  He believes in me, he centers me and he says I am his strong girl.  In the past I used to stuff all my feelings inside me, using many ways not to deal with what I was going through but because I have David there, I talk to him, he listens.  I never want to disappoint him.

I am lucky, luckier than even David... I have so many people in my life who pray for me, think positive and uplifting thoughts for me, who want the best for me.  I have people all over the world and I have my strength in what I know is true.  I am not alone and I know that I am extremely blessed.  David doesn't have all this, I will never let him feel alone.  Regardless of how sad I have been and how emotional my life is right now, I know that I will get through, I always find a way.

I believe in love, it does exist, I have felt it and I still do.

Being Yourself With Who You Love

 Feels Like Home

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

 I have been sitting her tonight pondering the many choices I have made in my life... knowing a lot of them were not all that smart.  I can't sit with regrets though, all of the choices I have made up to this point have made me who I am.  That's good right?  Even though I am close to being 50 in a little over a year, I feel like I am a teenager inside.

I have a huge question I would love an answer to, not sure anyone can really explain it to me but let's try.  How can a man share all of his dreams with one woman and then give his love to another woman?   Shouldn't these two go hand in hand?  Isn't true love knowing each other inside out and STILL loving each other?

If you can't be yourself with the person you love, why bother?  I only share my inner dreams and hopes with one man, my best friend.  I got a small text from him the other day and my heart did pitter patters.  Isn't that what love is about?  The little things.

Part of the issue has been that I took a very long time to truly believe I deserved to be loved.  I always thought I had to be remarkable and amazing!!   I just have to be me, simple enough concept.  I love David for him and only him.  Just the thought of him makes me smile, sigh or giggle.

I am trying to be the grown up I know that I should be, the one that says that I want him to be happy even if it isn't with me.  Sometimes I really believe myself and others I wonder if I am being real... Why does my heart have to hurt so much?  Why did I have to fall in love?  Truthfully would I have changed that?  I felt so complete with him over the holidays,  just sitting talking, snuggling in bed... feeling his breath on my cheek.  All the amazing kisses that left me breathless and sighing.

I wouldn't trade those moments for anything, they were real and so wonderful.   They still are to me!

Life Decision

 "We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."  Walter Anderson

 Isn't it sad when a dream you've had doesn't work out the way you KNOW it should have, people do have their own free agency, I have to accept that. What did I learn from this?  There's always something to learn.

Some lessons are harder than others:/.  I learned that even when life does not go in the direction I want it to go, that cutting myself off is not the way to go. I have cut myself off in the past because the pain has been unbearable.  This time I felt it, I sobbed non stop for a full day; I wondered if I would ever be able to stop crying. 

The old me would have did any number of things to push the pain down, not healthy things either.  Although this pain that I felt was almost beyond what I thought I could handle, I went through it clear headed, sobbed, talked and finally made a decision.

I had to decide which pain was more worth it.  The pain of not having someone I want in my life and cutting them out so I could heal?  Or maintaining the relationship for what it is even if my dream is dying.  I decided that maintaining it would be more beneficial to me, although difficult; it was better then the alternative.  Also I remembered how Tony cut me out of his life because he didn't feel he could just be friends with me... the feeling was awful and I could not do this to another person that I love more than anything else next to my children.

I just needed to breathe, think and relax; getting off social media helped.  I had nothing to hide behind, nothing:/.   I had to really ponder, also I went out to visit a few people and I left my problems out of the visit.  I just stopped making it all about me, it's not all about me.  I don't want to be selfish, I want to be selfless. 

When I say selfless I don't mean that I'm not going to take care of myself, that is the only way I can be of any good to anyone else.  What I mean is that life does not revolve around just me, there's a bigger picture.

So dreams go by the wayside or maybe they just change.  The future isn't written yet.   The one thing I knew for sure was that I had to come to terms with it so that I could feel less sad.  There's hope for me yet.

I love this song, When She Danced... there is so much truth in this song in the line that says  "If you ask me to choose between a memory or two

When it's said and done, I'll take the one who's love I had to lose"

This song say all the words I feel about David:

I never thought that I could feel a love so tender

Never thought I could let those feelings show

But now my heart is on my sleeve

And this love will never leave

My Heart Is Broken

I am sorry everybody, I am going to be taking a few days off all social media, even blogging for awhile...  Although blogging helps me find insight, right now I can't see anything straight....

I don't know how long I am going to be off, hopefully not too long.  I will be keeping a journal for myself but I won't be posting for a bit.  I've had a bit of a set back and I need to get myself back on track.

I will take any and all prayers and positive and uplifting thoughts... thanks everybody. I will be back when I get myself centered.

Who Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

A wonderful question was posed to me today in one of my many positive and uplifting emails I received today "Who do I want to be when I grow up?", not the old saying of "what do I want to be?" What I do for a job does not define who I am, who I am defines me.

I've been on overload lately, spreading myself way too thin. When did I think it was okay to do this to myself? I was on the way to work today, pouring down rain and my mood matched it. The bus was late, it didn't connect, someone was smoking in the bus shelter, I had to stand outside in the rain.

Finally I stopped, said a prayer that I would relax, in the grand scheme of life, I won't be late for work, I will just not as early as I like. Freaking out was NOT making it better. I calmed down, my bus showed up and I made the next connection.

Besides it's David's birthday, it's going to be an awesome day<3. So back to the question, who do I want to be? I want to be the girl who shows love, happiness, inspires people and myself, I want to live outside my comfort zone so I can grow to my potential. I want to serve and I want to follow the path that was meant for me

.








For me to be all this and more I have to look after myself for if I don't do this no one else will. I will be no good to anyone if I keep stretching myself too thin. So today I'm not taking anything extra on my plate, I have work, my course, Valentina, blogging ~ that's my limit for now. Come Saturday I can add in other things I want/need to do.

I hope everyone has an awesome day and thinks about how they can reduce to remove unneeded stress in their lives.

My Love Letter To You

All day I have been thinking about what I want/need to write about today.  I keep coming back to this since every thought is about you and every song is there to remind me of you.  I have truly loved very few people in my life, for a reason...  I have been hurt when I have loved.  You were right when you told me that I gave permission for people to hurt me and I am taking back that power now.  It is not okay to hurt me anymore, I deserve better... I deserve love.

I sit here thinking why did I ever give that power to anyone?  What was it about me that made me feel less than what I am?  Until you came along and showed me that I deserved more, I didn't believe it... So I finally believed I deserved the best and that was you, then all of that came crashing down on me too. although you love me, you don't love me the way I love you.  How is it that I finally learned to love myself and then I lose you?  I have been waiting my whole life to have someone make me feel as special and as wonderful as you have made me feel.

Not once did I ever feel demeaned by you, you always made me feel special and beautiful.  It's exactly what I have always wanted and needed in my life, you have been all that I have ever desired or wanted.  The only good thing about this is that you still want to be a part of my life, still want to be as close to me as you are now.   Sometimes it is so hard to have you there part way but I couldn't imagine not having you there at all.  That would break my heart beyond repair.

I know you will always be there for me as I will always be there for you... Always!!!  Like I have told you on many occasions and I really mean it, I cannot stop loving you just because... I am not built like that.  When I love, it's from my soul... it's not something that I can just stop.  Just as I know I cannot change that you don't love me the same way, that will have to be okay for I would rather have you in my life in small ways than in no way.

Why did you have to be so wonderful and so easy to love, it would be easier for me if you were a jerk like most men... but that is not your way.  I find it hard to believe anyone could walk away from you, they are foolish and they don't deserve you.  You deserve someone who knows how amazing and wonderful you are, just as I deserve the same things.   We both accepted less in the past, maybe you were there for me to know that and maybe I am there for you to learn that too.

Whatever happens in the future, no one and I mean no one will ever love you as much as I do... remember that forever.

                        Why I love you Baby

You know all there is know about me and yet you

never hold any of it against me.

You helped me see the divine potential inside myself,

that I was unable to see.

There is only kindess, gentleness, honesty and an

open heart with us. I feel like we are soul mates,

we understand each other totally.

I love you with my mind, my body, my heart and my soul

Written by me for you 

Dare To Dream

"Limitations live only in our minds.  But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless."  Jamie Paolinetti


When I think about seeing my potential as God/Universe sees it, it makes me remember that it is limitless.  It is not just limitless for me, it is for all of us, I really think that this scares many of us, not that we cannot succeed but that we most certainly can.  What is stopping us from reaching our potential?  For me, it has been knowing exactly what I should be doing, I don't know what everyone's purpose here is, I only know what mine is; knowing it and delivering it are two different things.

One of my greatest fears is that I will take the correct direction and then fail, have I not failed many times before?  Have I not set goals before and let myself down?  I really and truly want to succeed this time, the closer I get to my goals.  The more conflict I have in gaining them, the more I see that I need to continue on this path.

What am I willing to give up to succeed?  Hasn't it been proven over and over that when we  give up what we think is important that we are blessed in multiple ways?  Why would we want to give up those blessings?  Unrealistic fear of anything cannot be good, for it stops us from rising to our full potential... since there is very little that I desire in the way of materialism, I find that I am hit with the more important things.  I have to really believe that if I just let all that I want go, there will be even better and more wonderful blessings ahead.

The funny thing is that somehow 'we' think we know what is best for us?  When in fact we never dream a big enough dream for ourselves for fear of failure... or fear of success; I believe these two go hand in hand.  Either way we prevent ourselves from growing to the potential we are so capable of rising towards.

Our strength often increases in proportion to the obstacles imposed upon it.  Paul De Rapin

Patience Teaches Faith

 The Circumstances in life do not make or break you, They reveal who you really are. ~ Richard Carlson

Off I went to church today and of course the talks were exactly what I needed them to be about; having patience. Handling challenges is having patience, knowing that everything will work out as it should. That isn't always easy especially since we live in a world where everything is instant. Instant pictures, instant messaging, instant access!

True happiness isn't instant, even though I know that David is the man for me, he is the love of my life, my soul mate. When things didn't work out for us immediately, I almost lost hope. Those talks reminded me that truly good things come to those who wait. I just have to have patience and remember that love does prevail.

I know without a doubt that David and I are meant to be together but if he never learns this as I have learned, I will open my heart to another. I am not meant to be alone, I am meant to have love in my life.  We are all meant to have love, it depends on if we open up to it or not; when we close down... we lose all of our opportunities.

The amazing thing about all this is that I do have patience when it comes to love, I never had that before, hence I have rushed into horrible relationships, just to have a relationship, good or bad. I will pray, have patience and love; regardless of how this all turns out. David has his own free will, he will have to come to this on his own.

I will always and forever love David, he is and will continue to be a part of my life. I feel sorry and sad if we don't end up together as the people that we do end up with will have to accept that David and I will always be close. That would be a lot for another person to handle, it takes massive trust.

I trust David completely and he trusts me with his whole heart. There is nothing or no one that could shake my faith in David, I know his heart as he knows mine.

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Believe In Ourselves

Believe in your moments of revelation, believe in yourself, take action and watch the world conspire to support you. ~ Elise Ballard 





I know that if we really believe in ourselves that anything is possible. God/Universe wants us to succeed, wants us to be happy.  We all have to get past our own limitations to become who we really are meant to be.   All those stories that are told to us about how we are not capable of doing little more than surviving over the years from family and friends who have their own fears and limitations need to be let go.

I talked to my baby sister the other night, I had not spoken to her for over 15 years.  Not because I didn't want to talk to her but because she had closed herself off from her family other than our mom.  She had heard about all my challenges over the years from our mom and she was quite shocked that I was in the fantastic mood I am in.  She thought I would be sad, depressed... unable to deal with life.   I explained to her that each and everyday that I get up, I choose to be happy.  It is a choice!

I am not talking about people who are in a depression where they need to take medication and are under a doctors care, I am talking about handling day to day challenges that could bring someone down if they let it.  My baby sister is in the victim mode, she has had so many challenges as we all have and she has not dealt with them as well as she could have.  A lot of this is because my mom stood up for her and handled all of her challenges instead of teaching her how to deal with them herself.

When I was beaten down by all the emotional things that Andrey had done to me and then add in the rape... I was a lost soul, my sitter/friend Cindy came along and stood up for me but she didn't just stand up for me, she helped me to see that I had to stand up for myself.  I helped myself by getting counseling, also when I allowed myself to be filmed for judges to explain to them how awful the court system is for an abused woman, this really helped me to grow.

Next when I allowed myself to truly fall in love with David, I finally saw that there are real, honest and kind men in this world.  He taught me that I should NEVER settle for less than the best which is exactly what I deserve. The best!!

I want my baby sister to see that all things are possible, all she has to do is change her attitude and believe in herself.  It's all any of us have to do, believe in ourselves!

To succeed, we must first believe that we can. ~ Michael Korda 

Me

Tonight I've decided I want to write the good things about myself, often I pick myself apart... don't we all.  So, today instead of trying to figure out why I do this to myself, I am going to put down all the wonderful things about me, things I know are good or what people in my life have told me.

I am tenacious, I never give up... I know what I want and I go after it.

I have awesome hair, thick, long and beautiful, pretty amazing as I was only supposed to have patches of hair after the fire I survived when I was a child.

I am friendly, really outgoing... I work hard to make people comfortable with me.  There are of course people that are not fond of me, oh well... that is their issue.  I no longer try to figure out why they don't, that is up to them, I can only be the best me and not worry if someone doesn't like me.

I am beyond loyal, I will go out of my way to help anyone of my friends or family.  When I say loyal, I don't mean a door mat, I mean loyal.

I believe in being honest, sometimes it is difficult to be as honest as I am but I don't want to be anything but real, I expect the same in return.

I am respectful of other people and their choices in life, I don't always agree with those choices but it is NOT up to me to advise other people how to live, I just need to respect other people and love them for who they are.

I am loving, I want people to know that I love them and I am inspired by them. I believe in telling people every time they inspire me.

Although I am a great talker... believe me I can carry on a conversation for two people, lol, but I am also an amazing listener, I want people to know they are really heard and really cared about.

I am kind, I don't like to hurt anyone... even if they have hurt me.  I wish the best for all people.

I am a good mama, both of my daughters tell me often that I am...  I am not perfect by any means but neither of them expect that from me.

I am an inspiration, this was a difficult one to learn, I never thought I was but I am... I can see that now.

I am a really good writer, I love to write... it helps to center me and I have learned a great deal about myself.

I am positive, this is something I have worked hard at, I faked it a lot in the beginning; now it's real... when you ask me how I am and I say fabulous, fantastic, wonderful... I really am!  It's not that I have an easy fun life, it means that I am taking the best from it and remembering how blessed I am.