Being Yourself With Who You Love

 Feels Like Home

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

 I have been sitting her tonight pondering the many choices I have made in my life... knowing a lot of them were not all that smart.  I can't sit with regrets though, all of the choices I have made up to this point have made me who I am.  That's good right?  Even though I am close to being 50 in a little over a year, I feel like I am a teenager inside.

I have a huge question I would love an answer to, not sure anyone can really explain it to me but let's try.  How can a man share all of his dreams with one woman and then give his love to another woman?   Shouldn't these two go hand in hand?  Isn't true love knowing each other inside out and STILL loving each other?

If you can't be yourself with the person you love, why bother?  I only share my inner dreams and hopes with one man, my best friend.  I got a small text from him the other day and my heart did pitter patters.  Isn't that what love is about?  The little things.

Part of the issue has been that I took a very long time to truly believe I deserved to be loved.  I always thought I had to be remarkable and amazing!!   I just have to be me, simple enough concept.  I love David for him and only him.  Just the thought of him makes me smile, sigh or giggle.

I am trying to be the grown up I know that I should be, the one that says that I want him to be happy even if it isn't with me.  Sometimes I really believe myself and others I wonder if I am being real... Why does my heart have to hurt so much?  Why did I have to fall in love?  Truthfully would I have changed that?  I felt so complete with him over the holidays,  just sitting talking, snuggling in bed... feeling his breath on my cheek.  All the amazing kisses that left me breathless and sighing.

I wouldn't trade those moments for anything, they were real and so wonderful.   They still are to me!