All day I have been thinking about what I want/need to write about today. I keep coming back to this since every thought is about you and every song is there to remind me of you. I have truly loved very few people in my life, for a reason... I have been hurt when I have loved. You were right when you told me that I gave permission for people to hurt me and I am taking back that power now. It is not okay to hurt me anymore, I deserve better... I deserve love.
I sit here thinking why did I ever give that power to anyone? What was it about me that made me feel less than what I am? Until you came along and showed me that I deserved more, I didn't believe it... So I finally believed I deserved the best and that was you, then all of that came crashing down on me too. although you love me, you don't love me the way I love you. How is it that I finally learned to love myself and then I lose you? I have been waiting my whole life to have someone make me feel as special and as wonderful as you have made me feel.
Not once did I ever feel demeaned by you, you always made me feel special and beautiful. It's exactly what I have always wanted and needed in my life, you have been all that I have ever desired or wanted. The only good thing about this is that you still want to be a part of my life, still want to be as close to me as you are now. Sometimes it is so hard to have you there part way but I couldn't imagine not having you there at all. That would break my heart beyond repair.
I know you will always be there for me as I will always be there for you... Always!!! Like I have told you on many occasions and I really mean it, I cannot stop loving you just because... I am not built like that. When I love, it's from my soul... it's not something that I can just stop. Just as I know I cannot change that you don't love me the same way, that will have to be okay for I would rather have you in my life in small ways than in no way.
Why did you have to be so wonderful and so easy to love, it would be easier for me if you were a jerk like most men... but that is not your way. I find it hard to believe anyone could walk away from you, they are foolish and they don't deserve you. You deserve someone who knows how amazing and wonderful you are, just as I deserve the same things. We both accepted less in the past, maybe you were there for me to know that and maybe I am there for you to learn that too.
Whatever happens in the future, no one and I mean no one will ever love you as much as I do... remember that forever.
Why I love you Baby
You know all there is know about me
and yet you
never hold any of it against me.
You helped me see the divine potential
inside myself,
that I was unable to see.
There is only kindess, gentleness,
honesty and an
open heart with us. I feel like we are
soul mates,
we understand each other totally.
I love you with my mind, my body, my
heart and my soul
Written by me for you
So beautiful... :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Maarit :)
DeleteHello Launna:
ReplyDeleteWe sincerely hope that it has helped you and your relationship to write down your feelings and express them so honestly and openly.One cannot do more.
Thank you Jane and Lance... not sure it has helped but I knew I had to write it, otherwise it would be inside me tearing me apart :/
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteIt's so wonderful that you can realize this. Everybody deserve to be loved.
Like I wrote, some time ago, in my blog:"We shouldn't live on crumbs"
Thank you for your comment... I do realize that now.... he was the one who made me realize it!
DeleteThis is so beautiful. I hope it helps your relationship (:
ReplyDeletehttp://thesmallnoble.blogspot.de/
Thank you so much the small noble, I really appreciate your comment:)
DeleteI loved just 20 years ago, I never went back to love.
ReplyDeleteYou Launna conveys love in his words and his way with us, people who only know you here on the Internet.
You are wonderful in love!
Thank you Jaqueline, sometimes I don't feel loved... when I know that's not true, sometimes I am just sad, like everyone else. I work so hard to always be cheerful;)
DeleteThis is such a touching letter, dear Launna! It brought tears to my eyes, your writing skills are amazing!
ReplyDeleteLove is always different and expressed in all kind of ways but that doesn't mean we are not loved as we deserve to be. It's just a matter of individual perception.
But the most important kind of love is the love for ourselves and I'm glad you've finally got that in your heart :)
Hugs
Thank you for all the kind words Petro... you made me cry to know that I brought tears to your eyes... I cried the whole way through writing this letter... I feel so many emotions. I am working hard on trying to get past this, I need to be as happy as I was, I am happy most of the time, it is just those really sad times that are really difficult to handle... Thank you again for you sweet words and encouraging me often:)
Delete