I cried today because of fear, fear can be so strong even when it's unrealistic. I think I had this fear today because I keep centering myself on the path I know I'm meant to be on. Fear doesn't want us to be happy, fear wants us to stay in fear. For if we rise above it, it has no power over us.
I realized I have to continue on this path no matter what happens around me. I cried because there is something I want more than anything I've ever wanted and I have to let it go and allow it to happen or not happen and be happy no matter how it turns out.
I have to give up the control and trust that everything will work out the way it's meant to. That isn't easy, none of us like to feel like we are out of control but the truth is if we were always in control we would never grow. How happy would we be without the growth we need to be able to progress.
What is my largest fear, I'm going to write it here so that it won't have power over me. I'm afraid that David will not have missed me as much as I missed him; I'm afraid that we will have lost that closeness we have had. That's not true, David feels as close to me as I feel towards him. No matter where our path leads, he and I will ALWAYS be close to each other.
I want much more with him as I love him more than I have ever loved any man. He means so much to me that I cannot put into words. I have to let that desire go and leave that with God/Universe for even though I know we should be together, I cannot make him see this.
He can only come to this on his own. Regardless of the decision he makes down the road, I will always love him and I will always be there for him. I will never turn away from him, he made me realize how special I was in my greatest time of need. I hope he understands how special he is and how he deserves only the best.
Launna,I'm sure David feels the same.You have to trust in your love and everything will be OK :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sunshine, it's just been so long since I have talked to him... He means everything to me :)
DeleteYou're amazing! It's so hard to let go of control but it's exactly what needs to happen in order to move forward. You're so very right about growth and not allowing fear to have power over you. High five!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenn, thank you so much for the wonderful words. High five back at you:)
DeleteLaunna, I feel in your words that you're sad. Do not be!
ReplyDeleteIf David loves Launna it will come in you.
Do not be scared, live YOUR life, it is unique!
I want your good, my flower!
Thank you Jaqueline, I am working hard to live my life and be happy no matter the outcome of David and me. It's jut so difficult when I love him so much but I will not be able to move forward until I let the dream go... I have to trust and I am going to do that, either way I will be happy:)
DeleteYes, it is important to let someone go, even if it brings you sorrow. I add deep love for another, and still love this man, but at one point I let him go. I knew that I learned something so beautiful through our connection. Now that he is been gone for awhile, I can see why he came into my life and now I know that who I am now would not be a good match for who he is or was at that point.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great and all will be what it is meant to be.
Just a note, it is a Scorpio Full Moon today, which in Astrology means that is brings up a deepest and darkest fears, so we can heal. You sound like you are learning so much from this experience of love. Very beautiful.
Many blessings of love and light,
Suzanne
Thank you Suzanne, I am certain that I could never give David up fully but I know I have to give up my hope for us, as close as we are I cannot make him know what I know. So I will love him and be there for him no matter where our lives take us. He is one of the most amazing man I have ever met, I have never felt so safe with one human being in my whole life, I never want to lose that fully :)
DeleteCongratulations for this strong feelings! Not fear is posible with that love!Greetings, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and commenting Armando... I truly appreciate a mans take on this. My fear was just that a fear, David came home early... We've talked a bit and we will talk more. The closeness we had before is still there;)
DeleteI understand you perfectly, I've been through the same fear for ages and to my shame, the fear controlled me and my feelings. But in time I realized that I'm much stronger than my fear. Plus I need to let go my desire of controlling everything as it bring too much fear and unhappiness. My new motto is Que sera, sera" (Whatever will be, will be).
ReplyDeleteI feel so released now, after years of struggle with myself and my fears. I wish you the same, my dear Launna.
Hugs and kisses, my dear friend
Thank you Petro, I wish this for all people, when we learn to let go of the control, that is when we grow and love even more. My David is home early and I couldn't be happier, unless he were home in Halifax instead of Alberta ;)
DeleteThat's the thing about love, it's so full of uncertainties but loads of possibilities! Fear is as great as we allow it. Falling in love is so scary but so worth it when you find the right person for you. It sounds like you are staying strong regardless of your fears.
ReplyDeleteYes I am Lesley, the truth is that I have to be happy regardless! I have found the love that I always longed for through out my life, the one that loves me for me, doesn't judge me and sees me as wonderful. I couldn't ask for more but I have to let go because I can't make someone else know what I know.
Delete*hugs* I understand what you mean. Those 'what if' questions, and worrying if he will still love you this much a year from now. I agree, that leaving it up to god/universe is the best way to go. Keep positive, be loving, and most importantly be yourself. The last one is an important lesson I learned. A guy doesn't want to be with miss perfect, and always appeasing, and never argumentative - he wants to be with you, a fully rounded person, who loves and cares, but also can get irritated and pissed off about things. A guy who wants every facet of your being, is one who is truly worth keeping. It sounds like you've found such a man. :)
ReplyDeleteI have found the most amazing man Sasha, he gets all my quirkiness and understands all the crazy things I have done in my past. I never thought I could find anyone like him... All this and he was the boy I crushed on when I was 15. ;) No matter where the future takes us, we will always be close and in each others lives. I just want the whole thing with him, I would be nothing but good to him;)
DeleteI am with Armando Manrique Cerrato when he says 'Congratulations for this strong feelings!' and for expressing them here. Everytime i visit i learn so much more about who you are.
ReplyDeleteAwe, thank you All Things Good :) I always want to be open and honest and let people know the real me... all my quirkiness included:)
DeleteThanks vor your cute comment!!
ReplyDeleteSo lovely ♥
Anytime Sunny, I love getting to know other people through their blogs :)
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