I wanted to post last night but I was so emotionally wiped. I was in bed a little after nine and I stayed there until almost midnight where I woke up long enough to turn off the TV then went back to bed. I am going to apologize up front but my posts won't be all that happy and uplifting over the next few days. I thought about not writing but I think I've already lost enough and I didn't want to lose this too.
Every time I think that I have moved forward, I see myself going backwards again. I have this incredible need to be loved, which I am sure most people in this world need too. Some people are able to be fulfilled by other things, I only want to be loved and cherished. Do I think that love is easy and the answer to all my problems... no... but I think it's worth it. The happiest times in my life have been when I felt love, real love... the kind I feel for David.
All I have desired was what I wrote about in Fairy Tale Love and My One And Only. Sometimes I wonder if that exists for me? I have seen it with other people, why am I so difficult to love? What is it about me that makes it impossible for someone to love me? Of course I have to give the same kind of love back and I am willing to do this. Before everyone thinks that I don't feel grateful for all the blessings I have been given, they would be wrong.
I am incredibly grateful and thankful for everything I have. I always am... I see blessings each and every day in my life. I did the hardest thing I had to do last night, my tummy was upset, I was shaking and I felt so sad... I felt worse after because I didn't get to see the result that I thought I might see. I saw that maybe I don't even matter. That sounds awful, it sounds like I am selfish saying that but the truth is that we all want to be seen, heard and loved.
I didn't feel that last night, instead I felt like... oh... okay. I wanted to hear words that couldn't be said because maybe I imagined something that was never there. So how could the words be said that I wanted to hear? Today I feel insignificant... I guess that is selfish but it is how I feel.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield
Launna, You are a very significant part of a lot of lives. You have raised one beautiful, successful daughter and are busy raising another. You are holding down a very challenging job. You are inspiring a world of people through your blogs.
ReplyDeleteSo some man can't get his bleep out of his butt. It is very, very much his loss. Let him try to find another woman out there that will devote as much of herself to a relationship as you always do.
You have grown in to a beautiful, successful woman with a universe full of potential. You deserve a man who will meet all your needs. You deserve a relationship that doesn't require you to turn yourself into a pretzel to keep it going.
The perfect partner for you is out there. Right now your heart says it is David but I am beginning to disagree. He is baggage laden and emotionally selfish. You deserve better. You deserve the best.
Thank you for all the kind words Cindy but honestly I am not even angry at David, I was just incredibly sad... I know it is hard to be around me when I am sad and upset because things didn't work out the way I hoped... besides no one knows the future holds.
DeleteAmen to what Cindy said. Love you, Mommy!
ReplyDeleteThank you my darling daughter, I love you... I'm okay and I will be okay, I just need time to heal. David will always be a part of my life, I will always love him and like I told Cindy no one knows what the future holds.... <3
DeleteWe all believe in you!!! Keep going and loving how fabulous you are!!! And yes to what Cindy said!!! You deserve a man who loves you deeply and don't you forget it!!! Sending you the healing light of love.
ReplyDeleteI have shut down my blog for awhile as I found that someone on Facebook had copied two of my latest poems. I'm not sure what to do, so I shut down my site for a bit. I'm happy to know that my words are that good to copy, but a little annoyed by this person's actions. I will keep reading your blog and of course, keep in touch on Facebook.
Suzanne
xo
Thanks Suzanne, I am so sorry to hear that people are stealing you poetry... that is awful. I will miss your uplifting words... I am happy we are on Facebook together.
Delete:)