Only I Was Holding Myself Back

First and foremost, I want to send out a great big happy birthday to my beautiful, handsome grandson Jackson, it was his birthday yesterday, he was one.  I really wish I could have been there to see him eat his cupcake, he looked like he really enjoyed it though.




Being your authentic self is the ultimate secret to happiness in life. ~ Sheri Fink




The older I get the more I understand the quote above.  Trying to be anyone else but yourself is exhausting, believe me I've tried it.  The more I've become myself the happier I am.  I even understand the pain from the past 7 months, I was sure there could be no better answer than that I must have done something to deserve it. 

What that something was I couldn't imagine?  I mean my heart was being ripped out every other day.  I finally realized that I was allowing that.  Do I still love David, yes, the answer is yes.  I have to be happy with or without him, I can't put my happiness on another persons shoulders.  I can fill myself up, I just want to give unconditional love. 

That was a hard realization to come to, knowing that I was allowing myself to feel sad.  Maybe I unconsciously don't feel like I deserve to feel happy but I do, I do deserve to feel good. 

I'm excited for getting through this CPA soon, I am looking forward to spending more time with Valentina and calling Andrea and chatting with all my family and friends.  Then spending time revamping my blog but mostly I'm thrilled that I'll be able to just breathe.

I also have that one post I wrote that has truly inspired me to get me to where I am today.  I don't know if it will help anyone else but I really hope it does.  It's helped me to get to new understandings.

Off to take my exam in about an hour, I am really looking forward to catching up on all your blogs, I have really missed how everyone is...  from Susanna, Maarit, Marta, Charlotte, Joy, Suzanne, Jaqueline, Petro, Lydianna, Lynnie... there are so many more (I wish I could remember everyone), I love checking in to see how everyone is doing and what I can learn today.  You have all inspired me, it's the reason I follow your blogs.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 

14 comments :

  1. Hi Launna!!!!
    Happy Birthday to your beautiful grandson!!!! Fun!!! And Congrats on finishing your exams!!!
    I look forward to hearing more from you too!!! Sending you lots of awesome energy for the day.
    Big hugs!!!!!

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    1. Thank you Suzanne, I can read blogs this weekend, yeah

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  2. Launna, I can see from your post that something very sad has happened in your life. I don’t know the details but just wanted to say I’m sorry for your pain, and to let you know I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you well on your CPA exam—and wishing brighter days ahead for you! :)

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    1. Thank you Susan, I reconnected with my crush from 33 years ago and we hit it off incredibly and it still didn't work out for us long term yet... It has been extremely hard to remain such close friends with him yet not have the romantic part of it. Anyhow, I will survive, it's all apart of life:)

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  3. Launna, happy birthday for your grandson Jackson!

    I think the maturity makes us see life differently, not everyone is able to give more value to what has and what it is. However, when get, will be an authentic person and not a copy.

    Kisses

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    1. Hi Sissym, thank you for commenting, I always want to be authentic, never a copy... I really am an original :)

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  4. Hi Launna,

    Belated happy birthday to your grandson. I'm sorry I haven't been able to comment on your blog lately. I still can read your posts from Google Reader on weekdays. Life is beautiful and I know it's treating you well. Happy weekend, my friend.

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  5. Thank you Rhodora, you are always so sweet and kind to me. Happy weekend to you as well ;)

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  6. Lunna, wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin dla waszego kochanego wnuka :)

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  7. We all have been given characters and personalities for a reason, and that is to be ourselves. People will either love us or hate us, their choice. Sorry about your sad news but as you said, it is all part of life and we always learn from it. Happy Birthday to your Grandson, hope your exam went well, and I hope to return when able.

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    1. Thank you so much, we really need to be ourselves as that is who we are born to be:). Exam all done, back to normal.

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  8. Hello Launna. Hope your exam went well. You deserve to be happy. Take care.

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    1. Thank you Behind the Smile, I really should learn your first name;). My exam is over and I've passed, yeah!!!

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤