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I Should Be Made Of Steel


Well today didn't get started off right as my sitter was very ill and I had to take Valentina to her which had me leaving my house just after 6:00am.  In my rush I forgot to pack my lunch, not good as I only ate 2 bananas yesterday.  So I dropped her off, missed the bus on the way back, I walked for 15 minutes and stopped into the store to buy salad and fruit.  It's good, otherwise I would have been tempted to eat garbage food, which would have been awful.

I had another restless sleep, I'm sure my body was rebelling because I was in bed so early.  It wasn't sure how to handle that, hopefully I'll adapt and finally be able to rest.  I'm not sure I can really rest until I talk to my David anyway, what if... I don't want to say it, that would be too sad.  I have to find a way to cope with this but at the moment I'm still too lost to see the path that will show me the way. 

People keep telling me I'm strong and that I will find a way, if I do.....  I'm going to made of steel.  I can't allow my heart to ever be so open again, it's shattered and I'm not sure it can be repaired.  I'm just hoping and praying I find a way.

At least the cleanse is helping to center me even if I'm not able to control my emotions.  I swear I just break out in tears at the drop of a hat, I try not to think of my "D", that's not working out so well.  

I just want to trust myself again, it's so hard when I was so sure.  It was real to me!  How could I be SO wrong?






"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield





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4 comments :

  1. VeroniqueTuesday, August 21, 2012 6:29:00 PM

    trust ourselves is sometimes so hard ;/

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  2. Launna Tuesday, August 21, 2012 6:36:00 PM

    Trusting myself is almost harder than trusting someone else :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. unikornaWednesday, August 22, 2012 5:57:00 AM

    From my experience I must confess it took me also a very long time to heal. I remember pining to hear his voice, calling him and hanging up just to hear him. Until one day when I felt it was enough, and all that love was replaced with revolt and pride...I swear I was reborn that day, Launa. When you'll have passed this painful experience, you should be a Super-Launa.

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  4. Launna Wednesday, August 22, 2012 6:17:00 AM

    Thank you Petronela, I am hoping I actually make it to the super woman stage.

    ReplyDelete

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