So my sister told me she thought I had been crazy to ever think David and I ever could have worked out, she feels some things are better left in the past. She thought I'd held a torch for him for 34 years. Far from it, David was a crush; I never thought for one minute we would have a relationship, that was a daydream fantasy.
I was quite content to just have him in my life as a friend. I never pursued a romance, David did, he opened the door. Of course I took the chance to fulfill a fantasy, why wouldn't I? When we close our hearts and minds to possibilities, we close our minds to love.
Then my oldest daughter told me that David and I could never go back and undo the damage we did to our friendship. She thinks I will be in limbo and never move on, always hoping that he and I will be together.
I would give up that long term fairy tale so that I could just be best friends with David. I don't regret us trying but I miss my friend, he's the only one who seems to center me and help me to stop spinning out of control.
I need that right now, so many things are spinning out of control but I know right now that his son Chris is his focus right, it can be no other way, David is a dad first, last and always. I'll be patient as difficult as that is for me.
I read this quote this morning:
Happiness is when your heart, mind and soul are aligned in action. ~ Ruchira Agrawal
This resonated with me, I know I'm not aligned yet, I'm working on it.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield
It's hard talking to people who only think in black and white, and aren't able to understand the different shades of life. I've had friends like that, and we'd always end up arguing.
ReplyDeleteMy advice (even though you haven't asked for it), would be to remain friends with David, but keep open to the possibilities. You and David will probably always share a special connection, but there might still be room in your heart for another. That's how I feel about myself too. :)
Hope you can work it all out. <3
Launna dear..hope you know, that i want what´s best for you... :)) so, i hope that your all, love , trust and your soumate..can be one.. one day..
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I truly relate to this Launna as I have lived both ends of the spectrum from being a true pragmatist to learning to see life in a colorful and less black and white pragmatic way. I have experienced similar losses in my life of people I sorely miss and yearn to have as a friend if only for five minutes again. One I ironically just shared about, my friend Sue and another. my first true love, Pat, which was a romance that started from friendship also. I too grieved for my friendship with Pat again, for over 20 years. With Sue it was nearly 14 years. In the end I came to see and come to terms or acceptance with the love they had shared, even briefly, and the lessons and life gifts they taught me. I have been able to take something beautiful from both. In time, your loss of David will not be as painful as it is now and as time progresses you will find that you will see it all in a different light. I will say a prayer for your pain. Loss and grieving the loss of someone who brought light and impact in your life is something that takes time. Sending a hug your way xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Sasha, I am praying David and I will remain best friends, this is a test to our relationship. I have no desire to be with anyone else, I think I just need to be with me.
ReplyDeleteThank you Maarit, I do trust... that what will be will be...
ReplyDeleteThank you Brenda, I am hoping my loss of David is not permanent at least as a friend, he means so very much to me. I continually worry about him and now his son Chris. I feel so useless since I have no way of helping him right now.
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