I miss the simple things we did, holding hands, walking arm in arm, bear hugs, taking drives around the city, just talking for hours about everything and anything. All of that is possible when he's home for a visit in the future, whenever that is. I lost sight of the fact that we are very close friends and that if I wanted that, I could still have it.
I didn't want to give up the dream or fantasy, I had to though if I wanted to keep him in my life. A few weeks ago I wrote that I regretted being romantic with David, I take that back. It was the happiest time of my life, I was over the moon. I wish that I had handled everything better, by not being so sad...
That's who I am though, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. I laugh with abandon, I sob with my whole heart and I love with my complete soul. There's nothing part way with me, you never have to wonder. I know it can be difficult to be around me when I'm sad, I even find it hard and I don't have a choice. I have never figured out how to feel less or at least express less. I guess it's just who I am, I'm learning that although it can be challenging to be around me when I'm sad, I don't think I'd want to be one of those people who hides who I am to make other people happy.
I can't wait for day that my David messages me again and we pick up like we never went without talking. We're that close, I'll be there for him and I'll be ready, ready to laugh with him. Just as soon as his son is on more stable ground, which I'm praying for so much.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield
What a lovely post!
ReplyDeleteThere's a challenge for you in my blog: http://susanna-behindmyeyes.blogspot.fi/2012/08/3-x-11.html :)
Thank you Susanna, I wii have to look into your Challenge :)
ReplyDeleteI can truly relate to everything you share Launna. I am praying for u and David and for peace for you. Hang tight and keep the faith! Sending love z
ReplyDeleteThank you Brenda, David and his son can use all the prayers they can get. I'm so worried about both of them.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs your way. Believe that things will get better and they really will. Focus on the other things in life that bring you joy and you will begin to feel a burden lifted from your heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you Menopausal mama, you helped lift that mood with your hilarious post:) I know things will get better, I certainly was on a very long dark path.. one I wondered if I'd ever see the light, it's there, dim... but it's there:)
ReplyDeleteLaunna, everything that we experience is good or bad is valid for adiquirirmos experience. Suffering and smiling is part of our life.
ReplyDeleteThere is no joy without knowing what is being unhappy.
Be happy now!
Kisses ;)
Thank you Jaqueline, I'm beginning to find the happiness again:)
ReplyDeleteIf we love deeply we feel deeply and thus hurt deeply. I think though it is better to be someone who feels deeply. A shallow person does not feel deeply and misses out on so much that is life. You deserve to take care of yourself but sometimes that is what we let go when we are hurting. So pamper yourself Launna and feel affirmed you are a great person and worth knowing because you feel deeply.
ReplyDeleteYou are so kind Behind the Smile, thank you so much... I try to affirm daily I am worth it... I am.. David would want me to know that.
ReplyDelete