Sometimes You Just Have To Cry

I'm pretty sure the people on the bus must think I'm one of the saddest people ever.  Each morning I get on the bus, settle in... start thinking and pondering, next I'm crying.  I should have a sign that says heart broken, then everyone would understand.

People don't know how to deal with someone who is grieving or sad.  It makes them feel uncomfortable, so they say things like, stay strong, it will get better.  Sometimes being strong isn't enough, sometimes you just have to cry. 

I guess this broken heart has taught me massive compassion.  When I see someone crying, I'll just hug them and be there for him.  It's the only thing anyone can do for me.  I really get more upset when people think I should just get over it now.

I kind of understand why my mother closed her heart off after my dad broke it one too many times.  We cannot help who we love in this life and when they disappoint you and break your heart, it's not easy to recover. 

I'm one of those people who cannot hide my feelings, I wear my heart on my sleeve and it doesn't matter where I am when my emotions hit.  I feel all my emotions strongly, hence why I tried to cover them for so long.  That's not good though, they are always there to have to deal with eventually.

I guess we make the decision how long we will be in pain, we either process the feelings when they hit or we prolong it for later.  It doesn't just go away, as much as we want it to...   This cleanse is not letting me hide anything. 

A very good friend told me this yesterday:  'I should tell you how much I admire your tenacity. No matter how rough you feel, you go to work. I quit when the first tear drop falls'.  If I didn't go to work every time I cried, I'd really have something to cry about, I'd be living in a box on the side of the road.

So I just keep moving forward even if I'm crying.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield