There is a quote from Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas that says, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
I read this quote above tonight and it really made me think and ponder, I really want to bring forth what is in me for I do not want it to destroy me. I can see that truly happening, it's kind of like if you hold back love because of fear, it could actually destroy you in the end.
I know I've said that I don't want to open my heart again to love because it's too painful, besides I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love my David. This quote reminded me that although I want to give up on love for fear of being hurt, if I don't want that to destroy me, I have to let myself love again.
I know deep down I'm strong, I'm just not sure I'm strong enough for that... I want to be, really I do. Although I'm happy in my life, I'm deeply afraid of being hurt beyond repair. I never thought David could or would break my heart but he did. Even though he didn't mean to, it was extremely painful and sad for me.
How do I allow myself to feel again? How do I believe it is possible? If I do, will the pain be inevitable and overwhelming or could I actually find that special someone to love me? Do I have enough room in my heart to love anyone but David?
I don't know the answers but I'm going to try to let my heart love again as afraid of that as I am.
Fear is a guest in your house that has over stayed its welcome. ~ Larry Hochman
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield
hello Launna:
ReplyDeleteWe all tend to draw back from things which we fear are going to do us harm, but it is in exploring those fears that we do become strong. As you are coming to the conclusion yourself, you must allow yourself to reach out, to expose your innermost self once more for it is only in that way that you will heal. Of course, it will not be easy, rarely are those things worth doing easy, but have faith and try!
Thank you Jane and Lance, I'm going to try even if I'm afraid. It can't be worse than what I'm going through now, can it? I hope not.
ReplyDeleteLaunna, no one said you can't mourn a loss of love. If you lost a child would the world tell you to get over it after just a few weeks? Your grief is totally valid and should not be diminished. Take heart! If you weren't such a strong woman you would not have the courage to write it out for us to see. You will love again, I am confident of that! You are the perfect match for another someone, but in the meantime, give yourself the leeway to remember, ponder, and enjoy the memories. They are just as valid as the courage to soilder on to the next love of your travels in life. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks Joy, you made me cry. You seem to understand what I'm going through. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteKeep trying, keep reaching, keep dreaming. I love this written at the start of your post. I think your right Launna what we fear can in the end destroy us. We can miss a new opportunity or the gift of love through fear. However that said the fear of being broken or destroyed by being hurt again is understandable. I am glad though you wish to be open to the possibility of love. I hope you recieve what you need.
ReplyDeleteThank you Behind the Smile, I hope we all receive the love deserve:)
ReplyDeleteLaunna, this love that is within your heart needs to be thrown out before it destroys your life.
ReplyDeletelearn to live with the absence of David, try not to remember much of it.
Kisses, my dear!
Thank you much for your comment Jaqueline... I don't know how to throw David out of my life, I don't even want to know how to do that. I do want to learn how to love again though and trust... I am working at it:)
ReplyDeleteFear is a powerful emotion and it can also be a paralyzing emotion as well. It causes us to feel as if we are trapped and have very little else to strive for. Launna, I know you have so much more than that and that God has prepared for you so many amazing things. I will pray for you and for David that there is a healing and hope. Sending you much love xx
ReplyDeleteAwe thank you Brenda, I really appreciate that, I believe so much in the the power of prayer:).
ReplyDelete