Memories, May Be Beautiful And Yet

My all time favorite movie is 'The Way We Were', I remember seeing it when I was young (maybe 12 or 13).  The ending disappointed me and made me cry, how could 2 people who loved each other so much not end up together? 

I've watched this movie countless times, the more I watch it the more my feelings have changed.  Now I think that Katie was much too good for Hubbell, he didn't deserve her.

Katie loved him no matter what and he couldn't get past her for being herself and then gave up the only woman who truly loved him.  I hope men like that kick themselves when they are older, when they can see that they gave up the best thing to ever enter their life. 

I allowed myself to go down memory lane today and it was much too soon, I have to stay off that path until I'm stronger emotionally.  I am not too sure when that will ever be, maybe those memories are better left in the past.

Then I keep thinking I need to be okay with them so that I can move on.  Instead they bring up more emotions and questions I can never seem to have answers to; why do I feel the need to have answers?  Why is what I have not enough? 

Why can't I let it be and just be happy with where I am?    Because I could see the whole picture, it was as wonderful as I'd ever dreamed possible.  Now I have to live with the fall out, empty dreams and broken promises.

Maybe what I want doesn't exist,  maybe if I had what I wanted, I wouldn't be truly happy?  Then again, I think I'd be ecstatic, over the moon.  Lately I've been thinking how I had such few dreams and how none of them came true.

I thought because I didn't ask for much that I should have it, in reality I didn't ask for enough.  I didn't expect enough...   I should desire as much as my heart can and I should only expect the best.

Memories can make you smile or cry.... they always make you think.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield