Although I love the Fall (it's my favorite season), there are difficult or I should say emotional days coming up though. Canadian Thanksgiving is one of them as it is the anniversary of the fire I survived 48 years ago (my sister did not). I will write in greater detail about this on Sunday or Monday. My mother never wanted to celebrate it and I didn't do a lot for it for years. I've decided that I need to celebrate all of the holidays as there is good in everyone of them.
Another day November 4th will be a hard one for me, it's the day last year when I realized my David actually more than just liked me as a friend. It was the start of my whirl wind happiness where I floated above cloud nine for months. Be careful of those clouds, the falls can be hazardous to you.
I'm still continuing to look for the good... my 'D' and I are friends, which is incredibly important to me. Maybe we are not completely back to us but we are moving in the right direction, it's all I can ask for where he and I are concerned.
Although I had been writing off and on for a little over two years, losing my relationship with David spurred me to write regularly. I had/have so many emotions that I had to get out or I would burst. Writing frees me and it helps me to find a way to deal with the pain and sadness I've had in my life. It helps me to see the good, there's always good, even if it is difficult to always find.
The best way to deal with this is to be open and honest (tell on ourselves) .... otherwise you will always go down the wrong road to deal with life's difficulties. I want to change how I handle sadness, pain and disappointment. My old methods don't help me, they only numb me... the pain is always there to deal with someday. Oh... not that I'm not afraid to be honest... I am. I have a great deal to lose but hiding the truth can destroy me more, I have to believe that I am worth more and that I can be forgiven for slipping up.
I'm guilty of seeking comfort in food and mindless TV sometimes. It seems like the easy way out to just kind of zone out and go numb, but like you say, the problem is still there. Nice post, Launna. Very insightful.
ReplyDeleteThank you Daisy, I wrote this because I have been numbing myself for nearly 3 months. Trying to deal with losing David, a couple of nights ago I made a conscious decision to walk through the pain and stop avoiding it. That has not been easy, what will be harder, will be telling David. He may be disappointed that I've slipped up but I could never lie to him and I never will!!!
ReplyDeleteLaunna, we all have ways of numbing our feelings. But you're right, that never solves the problem. This was a lovely, honest post. Wishing you continued strength in facing your fears!
ReplyDeleteThank you Renn, you inspire me with how you are dealing with cancer. I figure my little problems are nothing compared to what you've had to deal with!
ReplyDeleteLaunna your blog is always so uplifting and inspiring! :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts so openly!
ReplyDeleteThank you Susanna, I know of no other way to be ;)
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