I Decide Who And What Is Good For Me

True happiness is proportional only to my yielding to the brokenness, and not to my refusing to accept it or to my struggling to overcome it. ~ David Patten

This quote touched me, I have always thought I had to accept or overcome sadness, this put it all into perspective. I have to yield to it, it will be the only way I can truly grow to my potential.

Last night I was talking to my sister who was lamenting the fact that she was still alone... She admitted she was still in love with a man from her recent past and he's still in love with her.  I said what's the issue?  She said he lives in Texas. I said okay, why can't you be together?  She said I'm in New York, he's in Texas. 

Then I told her that if things had worked out with my David as they should have.  I would have moved anywhere with him. I would have lived on the moon, nothing would have kept me from being with him, nothing!!  I've never felt that way about anyone else in my life.

She stopped and said, you're right... She is seriously thinking of waiting for the school year to be over and then moving there this summer.  I hope she does it, I hope it works out. I want to see her happy. If we don't take a chance now, when? 

It never ceases to amaze me how people who are close to me that have non stop opinions of how I need to live my life. The biggest one at the moment is how they think I need to remove David from my life completely. 

They don't understand how important my 'D' is to me.  If they did, they wouldn't suggest anything that crazy.  When my best friend Heather died in 2002 in a car crash, I lost it, literally.  I barely functioned... I really believe I had a breakdown, I cried non-stop, I didn't eat for five weeks, I lost 40 pounds. 

I didn't care about anything, that was when I found out I was pregnant with Valentina, I was shocked. Finding this out brought me back to eating and taking care of myself.  I loved Heather as my best friend and I very nearly didn't make it through, I don't want to think what would happen to me if I lost my David completely.

He centers me, doesn't judge me, makes me laugh and makes me feel special.  It's true that it is difficult not having him completely but some people are worth having part way.

To be 100% honest, if I had thought for one minute that my D and I wouldn't make it, I would have just stayed friends.  The type of friends we are is so much more important than romantic love. Don't get me wrong, the romantic part was wonderful, amazing and fabulous.  I just don't think having all of that would have been worth losing him over. He's more than that to me.

I know that people just care about me and they want me to be happy, I am happy with having David as a friend.  I am not going to lie and say that it is easy but I know that I have weighed it from both sides and being friends with him well out weighs the pain of not having him completely in my life the way I had wished.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield