What I Know For Sure Now

I am feeling something I haven't felt for a while... strong and in control.  I had given my control away, I thought I had to do this to have what I wanted.  I was wrong, I had to be in control to have what I wanted.  I remember nearly two years ago when I knew, I mean I really knew without a doubt that I was meant to do something.  I didn't just think it, I knew it...  I knew it in my heart.  I put myself out there. 

Even when it looked like it wouldn't happen, I still believed... I never gave up and within six months it happened.  I was over joyed, so thrilled that I was fulfilling something that I knew I was meant to do.  I also remember everyone questioning me about how I was going to handle it not lasting, here is what I knew then, I knew that I was only meant to be there in that place for a time.  When it all came to an end, I surprised everyone when I was happy; exuberant even.

Fast forward to today...  something interesting happened, it reminded me of something I knew, not just felt but really knew.  I realized that I had given up my control, I gave it away... I forgot my true value.  Tonight brought it all back, it brought about a 'hmm' moment.  I cannot ignore those moments, they mean more than we think they do.  If we brush them off, we are not believing in ourselves.  I believe in myself and I believe in what I know... why did I let myself give up on what I knew?  Fear?  I thought my dream was too big?  I didn't feel I was worthy?

Tonight I knew it was sum of all those things, I forgot what I knew and what got me to where I was... I neglected to believe in me.  I was sure that I wasn't good enough for what I knew was meant to be.  I proved this by not standing up for myself, by pulling back for fear of pushing the dream away.  I am worth it, I am completely worth it... I am not holding back any longer.  Going forward, I am on my path... I am not going off track again.  

Gone is the fear, gone is feeling the dream is too big (I didn't dream big enough), I am more worthy than even I knew... Some things are worth holding onto, some dreams are meant to be... even when others can't see the outcome.  Oh and this one is meant to last, it always was... I just didn't have faith before.  I believe in me!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield