Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Each day that goes by draws me closer and closer to a decision I thought I would never make.  I keep hoping against hope that something will turn it around.  It's one of the biggest decisions I have ever made and will change my life in ways I am hoping I can handle.

I need to make some changes,  or I will be in the same place I am in right now... who wants that?  I don't!  It's just that I have always been the biggest wuss about making decisions, I am always the one that never lets go.  Something catastrophic has to happen for me to get to the point where I can finally move ahead.  For some reason that I have not figured out about myself yet, I never control my own destiny... I allow other people and influences to direct my path.

I am realizing I do that because I do not trust my own instincts.  So when I ultimately fail, it is then that I can say, well it wasn't my choice.  That was because of a person or a circumstance, not because of me.  That way I don't have to take on the truth... the truth that I always had the choice.  I just never made it... I never made a choice in anything in my life.

I am going to talk to my David about it, get his opinion, I really respect what he has to say.  He speaks the truth to me and he does it all without judging me.  I know that is a very difficult thing to do, we are human after all.  I don't know how he is with other people in his life but I am pretty sure he is that way with everyone. 

I don't think I can make my choice final today, I am going to have to wait until I heal from my leg issue first.  I need to be focused if I am ever to come through this process successfully.  I also know it will be a very long process.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield