Nothing Will Change That

First and foremost my David is okay, he had his surgery and came through so well; he is home... resting and relaxing as much as possible.  I am just SO happy, SO elated... I can breathe finally, I have been so focused with worry, time for me to relax now too.

So last night I was laying in bed... I couldn't sleep right away so I decided to write and I wrote the poem below.  I have realized that my biggest fear with my David was that if I told him that I still loved him that I would lose him as a friend; that could happen but I don't think that it will.  I am moving on for me and for him.

Time stands still for me
When my thoughts are in the past
I'm leaving them there today

I'm moving on, I need to do this for me and for you
The truth must be said, at all costs
I love you, I always will, nothing can change that

I've been afraid for far too long
Afraid if I said how I felt, that things would change
I don't want to be afraid anymore

I am confronting my fear here and now
Maybe I have the fear for no reason
Maybe that is the lesson I need to learn

Or it might be that I'd lose you
But you'd lose me too
And I would be a great loss

We will always be unfinished business in my heart
The door will never close
I will always be there for you

One more time, I accept the present
I'm moving on, for me and for you
I love you, I always will, nothing can change that

Before Christmas and through to New Years, I was barely holding myself together... I did it for Valentina.  I kept myself together, fearing that I would fall completely apart after New Years; I didn't fall apart, I am actually feeling my heart healing.  I am happier, I have goals that I am working towards. 

I am grateful that I found a way to change my thoughts and emotions so that I can finally write what my biggest fear was, it's no longer a fear anymore... I am at peace with whatever happens. 

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield