Sleep To Dream

The past two days have been a little emotional for me, I think it is the lack of social contact, feeling trapped in my home and not feeling fully myself yet.  Whatever it is, I have been in a really funky mood, I am looking to change that around... the sooner the better.  Although I am not ready to go back to work, health wise... I kind of miss it.  Not the craziness of year end but the clients, my co workers... the feeling that I was productive.

Along with being out of sorts I have not slept.. really the longest I have slept is two and a half hours, I usually go back to sleep in about ten or fifteen minutes but regardless it is broken sleep.  I need to have at least five or six hours at one time at least occasionally.  Not sure how I am going to change that since one of reasons I don't sleep is because of peri-menopause...  I really think this should be talked about more with your daughters, no one ever explained how you can go from hot to cold on a dime and that you will never sleep through a full night on a regular basis, if at all.

Not to mention the hot flashes, where I can only explain it this way, your head feels like it is on fire which only spreads downwards... so nasty.  There are numerous unpleasant changes in our bodies that are not always easy to handle.  You know what I think is funny, the older I get... the more comfortable I get in my skin emotionally but physically I am starting to fall apart... oh well, that is life.

Also, I was talking to Andrea tonight and I asked her what she thought of the progress of my leg.  I have been sending her a picture here and there. I am glad I took the pictures as I can see what a huge improvement there has been.  It is like night and day when I look back from the beginning... I have only showed a handful of people the pictures as some of them may be  quite hard to handle.

So, I have taken a step towards some changes, not liking how uncomfortable I have been feeling with this change... probably not the best time to make a change since I haven't slept well for a month.  Another reason I have been emotional, especially when it is outside my comfort zone... I know that is the only way to grow but sometimes it is ridiculously uncomfortable.

I wasn't even sure I would post tonight because of how emotional I have been.  However; I know that writing helps me, it's my outlet...  I think that writing it down helps me to collect my thoughts better, so that I can be more clear when making decisions.  I just wish I had easier decisions but nothing is cut and dry, nothing is simple.  All of my options look equally difficult... I do have to figure out what's best for me.

Since I haven't slept well, I am turning everything off and seeing if I can get a good nights sleep... Maybe I can find an answer in my dreams.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥