Turning The Light On My Pain

I read  a blog called scribbles from the ether that touched me today, Katie the author of the blog had left a sweet comment on mine, I always reciprocate and read the persons blog... and leave a comment thanking them.  I was drawn in immediately with her candid and open honesty... I connect well with people like that as I am the same way.  The last paragraph resonated with me, it gave me an answer to some issues I have been dealing with.  I have what she called an abusive relationship, hers is anorexia... how she used to feel it was her twin but how she now saw that no matter how much she might love her twin, she could see it as being much more abusive than helpful now that she is going through recovery.

She is right that the light or the good feelings that you get from the abusive relationship you are in (drinking, drugs, food... etc) end up being slivers compared to the pain and damage these relationships actually end up bringing.  I never really thought about it this way but her post clicked with me, I understood more that anything I do to myself to make me feel better and actually ends up hurting me more in the long run... needs to be eliminated from my life.  The small amount of good feelings that come from attempts at making myself happy through these things are just not worth it anymore. 

I know I am not writing it nearly as eloquently as she did, Katie was just being truthful about her addiction with anorexia and how she keeps herself from going back down that road daily... she remembers that although it felt good to have control, the side effects were not worth it ultimately. It doesn't start out that way, it starts out feeling good most of the time but than it slowly feels less and less good... That is the way it is with many addictions we hold onto in life, mine is overeating... or more precisely eating the wrong things...

I want to be on the healing side of that addiction, the first step is seeing that although the food I eat may be tasty and might bring me comfort at the time.... it ends up being a burden carrying the extra weight around, that doesn't feel good at all.  I have to have a relationship with food but I need to get into the healthy side of that one... I needed to read what she wrote because it turned a light on inside me that I am looking forward to keeping turned on more often today and in the future....

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥