Keeping My Eye On The Goal

This last week has been an emotional roller coaster... not all of it bad.  None of it easy!  Change is never simple, I hold on to the fact that difficult change brings amazing rewards.  As long as I can keep my eyes looking forward, I will succeed.

What derails me is taking my eyes off the goal and letting the pain take over.  This pain will pass.. even the deep emotional sadness... it can't last forever.  It never does... I have to reinforce that belief with myself daily... I'm worth it though!!!

I have what my doctor calls situational depression... which I suspect many of us have. I have only taken medication for it once in my life, for about a year and a half.  It evened me out but truthfully I just never really felt...  I weaned myself off them over a year ago (my doctor knows).

I remember seeing an interview with Carrie Fisher one time... she suffers from depression too.  She said she made a conscious decision to live without medications because she needed to feel.  It's the best explanation I have for why I went off them... I didn't like being a zombie... they didn't solve my problems, I just didn't care....

I believe this is a personal decision for each person and their doctor.  It's what works for me... I need to feel real and alive.  Otherwise it's all futile. I know I can be up and down and when I'm down I find it hard to see the good but I always find my way through...  If I didn't or couldn't I would see my doctor immediately. 

What helps me more than anything is writing and reading what other people are going through... the majority of you inspire me with your candidacy and open honesty.  We are all struggling and it feels so good to have other people who understand.  Reading what other people are going through, helps me keep my eye on the goal.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥