Taking The Fall For My Own Decisions

I have to say I made a decision that although might be difficult for people to understand , I made it for me...  Very few people if anyone would understand but that is because not one of them are me... I know that everyone wants to give me their advice and it's all good, I hear it all, I listen, I take it all in but still the final decision is mine.

It's like my decision to stay friends with my David, that is a really tough one... I have gone back and forth on this one and weighed the pros and cons, I have even come to the point that I thought I might stop being friends with him... The main reason being that I don't like David coming off as if he is the bad guy.. he isn't, he is one of the good guys... I don't want people to think poorly of him because of me.  Since I made the decision to stay friends with him, I have to learn to deal with the ups and downs that come with that, if I want him in my life and I do...


I weighed all my options, then I talked to my David... a huge part of me thought he might be relieved and say that he understood but that it was probably better that way.  I had already flip flopped back and forth for nearly three weeks, finally I decided that he was worth staying friends with... I knew I had to tell him everything I was thinking, I don't keep secrets from him... he told me I am his best friend and he doesn't want to lose me.  We agreed that it is very difficult to find someone that we can tell all our secrets to and not be judged for them.

The truth is that I have already lost enough and frankly I don't think I could handle losing anything else... Life is much too short to live it unhappy, this is why I have made decisions that although they may be unpopular with other people, they are the right ones for me... Who would I tell my secrets to?  There isn't anyone that I could open up to like that again.  I am really open in my blog, yet there are some things I do not want everyone to know... it's really good to have someone that I feel safe and comfortable with, that would be my David.

Also, I am aware that that I will have to live with any of the repercussions from my decisions, I am hoping that there won't be many but if there is, I will deal with them one at a time.  For now I am standing behind each choice that I have made, as I am the only one who knows all sides of the story.  These choices are the most difficult ones, I had to get off the proverbial fence to be the grown up I am ... no matter how much I want to stick my head in the sand and let other people take the fall by letting them make my decisions for me...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥