Taking A Leap Away From Fear

It's funny and not funny haha... funny strange how the smallest thing can turn me around and bring me back to where I need to be... Here is the whole thing, I have been afraid, simply afraid.... I have no other words for what I was going through.  It's why I couldn't sleep, why I cried so much, why I felt lost...I felt hopeless and weighed down...  Fear does that to us, roots us to the spot and making a step in any direction is paralyzing....

At least that is how I see it from my eyes when I am filled with fear, I FINALLY took a leap instead of a step an honestly it was the best leap I ever took...  My fear was just that a fear, I turned away from it last night and I gained a lot of strength today knowing I was being held back because of my thoughts.  Those thoughts are so overpowering... once I saw that the fear was nothing more than my thoughts... I turned away from them and I became honest with myself and with the people close to me.

Guess what I got, love... I felt like the darkness was lifted and a light was finally able to shine in...  and all I had to do was push the fear down and take a leap.  I know, you are saying... that's all?... that's scary... You bet it was, I was shaking, barely breathing, crying... I felt this enormous pain.  The fear kept saying, don't do it, do you really want to know?  What if the outcome is exactly what I had been telling myself?  What if I changed everything, how would I deal with that?  I was positive I would be crushed, not wanting to get out of bed....

All because I thought it was better not to know... now instead of berating myself over not dealing with it head on, I am grateful that I finally took the plunge.  I was wrong, I like that I was wrong here... it doesn't matter to me how long it took for me to get here... it only matters that I arrived here. I am sure I will have ups and downs... that is a part of life.  what is very important about this one is that regardless of what happens down the road, I know the truth and nothing can change that... that makes me smile.

What finally got me to this point?  Two young women who are fighting anorexia... they both commented on my blog and when I read their stories, I saw myself in them, minus the anorexia (my eating is the opposite... over eating).  Regardless, I realized that I was using food and other substitutes to handle getting through the day... but I wasn't handling, I was just getting through... These two young women are incredible and they both inspired me, so much so that I was able to see a light in my darkness.  I am praying for these two women that they will see the light too... They are two very strong people as well as gifted writers, they have a no hold back type blog (the best kind as far as I am concerned).

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥