Looking Past The Sadness For The Joy

I had my final appointment with the plastic surgeon about my leg, I couldn't be happier about that.  He is one of those doctors that has a 'God' like complex... these people would do well to remember where they actually attained their talent.  He has been rude to me on many occasions and I was looking forward to seeing the last of him... the best thing I could say about him was that he does good work but had absolutely no personality other than being nasty.  His parting words were that I knew where he worked if I needed him... I politely advised him I would do everything in my power to not need him in the future.  My leg is completely healed from the surgery I had at the end of January this year, even he was surprised how good it looked.  I am grateful that it is finally healed after waiting eleven years to have someone understand it would not heal on it's own.

I am writing this at work on my lunch as tonight I will be spending time getting the living room organized and cleaned.  Most of the items there are Valentina's as she took over that room once I moved my computer in the bedroom... She and I are going to do this room together.  Tomorrow we are going to clean the kitchen together and then Thursday and Friday I am going to tackle my room which will just leave Valentina's room on Saturday.  After this is completed, I plan to walk all over the neighborhood looking for a new place to live.  I'm not worried, I know a place will be made available, it always happens that way... of course I will have to search... it is not like it will fall into my lap... lol.   I am also going to start collecting boxes so that I can pack away books and such items that I rarely use but still want to keep. 

I know I have been feeling a little emotional lately, it is just the way I feel and I find it hard to hold it back all the time. I am working on controlling that behavior of mine.. however; I cannot promise that I will not have the occasional down period.  I try very hard to be positive and upbeat... it isn't always easy though as there are things that happen to bring me down from time to time.  It doesn't mean that I wallow in that as that is not how I want to live my life but if I don't acknowledge it, I could end up making other choices that are worse than being a little down or sad.  I choose to let it out slowly here and there and I hope that people understand that I need to do this so that I don't allow it to build up to something I cannon manage.  Those are the times that I use past addictions to get through, the times I don't allow myself the luxury of just being sad.

I might be strong but I am not made of steel... I have a heart that feels when life does not turn out the way I want or hoped.  I am also aware that there are many people who have much more hardships in their lives.  I have had many and I don't use them to ask for pity from anyone, each of them were challenges I had to overcome and actually gained strength from... I just need a day from time to time when I am hit with something that makes my heart sad... For as much as I love with my soul, I feel sadness the same way.  There is no joy without sadness, otherwise we would never know true joy if we never felt sadness. 

Even though I know this in my heart and soul, it is still very hard to cope with when I am hit with the sadness...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥