Loving And Living My Lifestyle Changes

 

I have been wanting to write, it certainly hasn't meant that I had a block... I was hoping that my mood would lift before I wrote again.  So, I lost one more pound... I am almost at 19 pounds for five weeks, I am more determined than ever to continue on this journey I started.  I wish I had taken measurements when I first started but I just bought my measuring tape about a week ago.  I know that I feel it in my pants which are too big for me and my tank tops which I always felt stuffed into now feel really comfortable.  It feels good, I was a bit disappointed to only see one pound lost since I work very hard and I do not eat one bad thing but I have to remember that I am not twenty and my body is probably wondering what in the heck is going on...

Here is the funny thing I told my sister today, I don't even miss that type of food that I used to eat.  I went to the grocery store today and when I walked by the food I used to eat, I did that... I walked by it... I didn't look at it longingly...  I don't even think about that type of food, I am always thinking about any food I eat, wondering about the calories and what is in it? and if it is good for me?... I have people telling me that eventually I will miss the old food... I don't think so, it has been five weeks and I don't feel deprived.  Whenever I went on a 'diet' before I felt restricted... I missed the food... this is not a diet I am following, this is a lifestyle change that I am loving and living. 

I know one thing, I am getting very tired of Valentina's behavior when it comes to walking... she is not getting any easier about going for walks with me, she cannot stop complaining and I am not thrilled with her attitude. I have had to ask her on numerous occasions to keep her comments to herself, I need all the energy I can to put into walking.  I don't have any left over energy to argue with her... What happened to my sweet Valentina?  I seriously cannot deal with another cranky child who has nothing good to say...  Yes she does apologize but lately I am not accepting them as easily as I did before since she can turn around within thirty minutes and flip out again.  I do not like the teenage years, I know what she is going through, I have a very good memory of those times but I wish she could channel her anger elsewhere... it is very exhausting.

My mood is still somewhat the same, however; I am just putting all my effort into walking... I am not allowing myself to wallow.  I can't go back to that, I want to move forward... I turn the big 50 on Tuesday... I am actually excited!   I am getting my hair colored and I am getting a thick strand of hair colored violet... I will put pictures up once I get it done.  I have been wanting to do this for a couple of years and I never seem to have the money but I am doing it regardless, this a big birthday for me, it only comes around once. I am also going to get a small heart tattoo but it looks like that will have to wait until I get my bonus in August.  It is something I have wanted for a couple of years, it won't be anything large or flashy, just a cute little heart tattoo.

I am off for a few days this week, so I plan to get really serious and find an apartment for September.  Part of the issue with this is that I don't want to live in an apartment building, I just cannot live in a large unit again.  I like smaller places or a flat, I like having neighbors, I just don't want to have them living on top, under and on both sides... it is kind of claustrophobic.  I like that I have a front and back door and that there is no one under me, I love the feeling of just walking out of my place and not having to go down a long hall, walking by everyone's doors.  Anyway I won't worry about it, everything will work out as it was meant to...

This is more of a catch up blog since my mood hasn't changed a whole lot and I just don't want to write sad things right now... I have been keeping up with everyone's blogs even though I haven't been writing... I have written many in my head but at the moment those were just to sad to put down into writing.. I have so many good things in my life to be grateful for... believe me, I count my blessings on a daily basis and I feel very lucky... unfortunately it doesn't stop the sadness but it keeps me from wallowing which is a good thing.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥