The Crossroads I Am At

Yesterday I had a short walk, maybe 10 minutes, it was very hot... I had planned on walking later in the evening but instead I ended up talking with a friend until it was too late... This morning I woke up with the intention of going for a walk, at first I thought, I will walk later.   Right then and there I knew that if I didn't walk then, that I would come up with another excuse not to walk later... I jumped up there and then and I pulled on my yoga pants, sneakers and tank top and left the house immediately before another thought could come into my head.

I walked fast for close to 40 minutes and I walked for over two miles, I felt so much better... I came home, jumped in the shower and thought about why I was starting to come up with excuses after only one day...  I WAS the girl with all the excuses in the past, I will NOT be her again, I am not going to sit home each day when I can walk/jog/bike... whatever I need to do to become healthy.  I went off to church and had some lovely lessons/teachings taught to me... I had already prepared to walk home from church, it is a little over a mile and a half.  One lady at church told me she heard I was inspiring people to walk, I hope that my walking does inspire people.  I want everyone to feel as good about this as I do.

So, I walked home, I actually walked/ran home... it felt amazing and I was filled with gratitude that I could do this... it wasn't long ago that I had the surgery to repair my skin graft and before that I was using a cane.  I am so thankful that I can and am able to walk/jog/run... it is something that is keeping me centered, something that clears my mind and heart when I do it, hence why I do it so often.  When I don't my emotions build up to an uncontrolled state where I just cry all the time.

I know that is hard for people to hear, I am at a crossroads in my life right now... one I wish I wasn't at.  However; wishing I wasn't there doesn't change it, it means I have to make a decision and I just don't know which road I will travel... it seems like an easy decision to most people but for me it is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.  The more that it weighs on my mind, the more that I walk now, with every walk I take, I know I am preparing to choose a path to take and this time I want to take the right path.  Yet I want to keep things from the other paths... I know... it isn't possible to travel two paths, hence why I am so sad.

I feel so torn inside, have you ever known, really known where you are supposed to be... yet it isn't possible at that time, so you have to go another way... completely different than what you know in your heart?  That is what I am going through right now and my heart is breaking into a million pieces... standing at the crossroads and trying to choose what is right for me, right here and now and in the long run. I just don't know how to choose... either way is awful, either way is very sad for me... yet I am left with the choice...

Regardless of which choice I will make, I know I will be sad but I also know I will be walking/running/jogging... eventually biking.  This one path of exercise I have taken is a long term path and I feel really good about it... I hope when I finally choose the other path at the crossroads I am at now that it will be a good choice for me in the long run too...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥