My Roller Coaster Of Emotions

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore. 

Yesterday was a roller coaster day, I was up and down all day long.... First I was up as I was excited to go to the doctors so that she could see how much I have progressed, I was looking forward to jumping on the scale and going through my blood work... Yeah I know, I get excited about the funniest things... Anyhow, Valentina was able to sleep in and then go with the sitters as I had so much to do, since school was starting today (Wednesday).  The day started out pouring rain and pretty much stayed that way, there were stops in between but I couldn't trust that it wouldn't turn into sheets of rain at a moments notice.  (Which it did throughout the day)

The next thing I know I received a text message from David that he was at the base hospital and that they were sending him in an ambulance to Camrose for emergency surgery... I panicked... we had just spoken the evening before, they thought he was okay to wait... but no... this was fast becoming real to me. Damn the distance, I started to cry.  He asked me to post this on his Facebook so that his friends would know and send out good vibes.  Of course I would do this for him, I quickly posted it on his wall and then immediately posted it on my wall too... so many people on my Facebook offered prayers and good thoughts, I was so touched, most of you only know about David through me.

I kept praying and waiting to hear from my David, in between I cleaned a lot, I swept and moped my entire house, I did a load of dishes and I did laundry... I kept busy... then I received another text from him and he stated that the base doctor didn't want to wait for an ambulance they were going to send him in a car with a paramedic... he was worried... I was a total basket case.  I started praying harder, wishing insanely that I could be with him, I just was unable to focus on anything else.  My sister messaged me to tell me how she was doing with the diet and I apologized to her, I just couldn't get with it... my mind was on David.

Anyhow, I had to leave to go to the doctors... no canceling, that would cost too much money, money that I didn't have.  My doctor who knows me well, for 17 years now, saw me and knew something was up, she was proud that I had lost the weight but she wanted to know what was happening.  She tried to calm me down... I relaxed a bit.  Then we talked about what I was there for, I hopped on the scale and she was beyond thrilled for me, I had even lost an extra 2 and half pounds since Friday... we went over my diet, she was happy with that, she told me not to worry if I were to gain a little as she stated that my body will try to fight me somewhere a long the line.  I told her that I knew that and that I would just power through and my body would have to learn that I really meant business.

Then we went over the important blood work, I had brought my good cholesterol up by about a point, all with exercising and eating healthy and my bad cholesterol was the same as if I was taking pills, all in all she was very happy.  This is only from less then 12 weeks, she wants to see me in about two months and then we will look at blood work in the new year again.  She smiled and she told me she was very proud of me for taking my life back.  Then she reassured me that David would most likely be okay and not to worry.

I left the doctors office to find out that it was pouring rain, unlike anything I had seen in quite some time... I took cover waiting for the bus and continually checked to see if there were any messages.... nothing... I got home and peeled off wet clothes and made myself eat something since I had not eaten very much that day. There is a by product to getting on the right path, the old me would have ate everything in sight, the new me had to be reminded to eat period.  Anyhow, finally I got a text from David that he had been to Camrose and that although the doctor said he needed emergency surgery, they are waiting until Monday.  All I can say is they are darned lucky I am here... unbelievable... That is six days away and he is an hour and a half away from a place that they can perform the surgery... I went from being worried and scared to being mad...

See my roller coaster day, I think I felt every emotion yesterday.  By the time I had said good night to David, I ended up laying in bed, tossing and turning all night long... I did not sleep more than an hour or so.  Today was Valentina's first day of grade five and I made the day about her, she had to change her clothes a couple of times and fix her hair so that her new earrings showed.  We went over and bought lunch since I had not got out to buy groceries...  then off to school we went, she was very happy... I hope she has an amazing day and that the kids will be nice to her, she really does have a soft heart (not so much with me lately, lol) but with other children ....

I came home and finished up some laundry and then headed out to walk a little more than a 5K, I did, even though my legs felt like lead, I ended up finishing with a time that was only a little over 2 minutes more than the other day when I did the same route.... I would say that is pretty good for everything I was going through.  I plan to get out for quick two mile walk tonight, that will only take about a half hour... it feels good to be as motivated as I have been and to see that I will power through even though I don't always feel like it, I am not giving up on changing my life... even when I am on a roller coaster of emotions.

The best thing I did for myself today was go for that walk, it really helped to get rid of some stress... sure I am still very worried about David but I need to take care of myself too... otherwise I won't be any good to anyone else....

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥