Taking Time For Me

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

I know it has been sometime, I have been taking time for me, first and foremost I have not had a panic attack since Saturday night, I am hoping they are behind me... I really think a lot of it had to do with worrying about my David and lack of sleep... David seems to be getting a little better everyday and I have been getting to bed at a ridiculously early time the past few nights... yesterday my head hit the pillow by 8:30 pm.  With all this going on, I have not been exercising as much as I like, I am getting back to that tomorrow and then I am officially joining The Canada Games Center on Friday, I am beyond thrilled about that.  I went up for the official tour with Valentina on Monday and I fell in love with the place.  It has every imaginable activity for me to get involved with... I love the walking/running track and I can take Zumba twice a week for sure, maybe even more... Valentina is especially thrilled about being able to swim so much.

Also, I have been trying to catch up on all the blogs I follow and that has been no easy feat to say the least. Some of the blogs I follow didn't get comments, especially if there was more than one entry, due to the fact that I would never be able to catch up otherwise but I did read everyone's posts.  I wanted to comment as I am the girl who LOVES to comment... I like people to know I was there, reading it and how they touched me.  However; I will have to give myself a break and understand it is not always possible to comment on every single post that is written, I do have to work and be a mama as well. I hope you all understand and I will try not to let them build up again, life takes over occasionally.

So, today I decided to wear a dress to work, I rarely do that, mainly because I walk a fair distance usually and I don't like being all dressed up and sweaty... today I took the bus.  I was pleasantly surprised by all the comments if not slightly embarrassed.  I do like to look nice but because I exercise so much I rarely do anything more than put a pony tail in my hair and apply a little lipstick... which never stays on for long.  Once I am going to the center every evening, I have decided that I am going to take the bus in the morning so that I can do my hair, wear a little make up, and besides I will be carrying all my gym items as I plan to stay on the bus after work and go out there directly every night.

This way both Valentina and I will get to exercise together and I won't be taking more time away from her... I will be able to relax a little more in the morning and not run out the door at 6:15 am.  I am looking forward to having a little more time where I am not feeling so rushed.  Besides winter is just around the corner and I want to make sure that she and I are in a good groove when the bad weather hits.  I still plan to walk a little here and there, especially as long as the streets are clear of snow and ice but I won't be at the mercy of the weather anymore and that will be wonderful.

I have to say something, I am getting the most confusing and mixed up messages that I have ever had in my life. Lately all I have been doing is trying to decipher what is going on, it is like hot and cold... have you ever been in that situation?  I sometimes have no idea if I am coming or going, not sure which is up or which is down? The answer lies in asking some questions, getting some clarity but how do I get that when I am not the one that can give the answers and the answers don't seem to be forthcoming?  It's almost as if the confusion lies with them too... All I know is my head is spinning and frankly I will need to focus on myself for awhile... Hopefully this situation will resolve itself in time.... I know it will eventually, this can only go on for so long before I end up taking matters into my own hands and requesting some real answers... The kind that skirting around them won't work eventually...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥