Centered With A Purpose

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

Lying here almost ready to sleep when I have an aha moment ... I was reading an older post entry and I realized how much growth I have made.  I used to wrap myself in emotions... now I exercise them.  I can totally understand how someone could have thought I was centered without any real purpose.  Back then I had nothing to focus on... just the blogging. For a long time there I poured out every dream, hope, desire I felt, without thinking of the future.

I feel like I have grown so much since then... this is a girl who doesn't have an excuse for eating poorly or not exercising... I just do it literally.  I used to blog everyday... not going to happen in the future... I want to write when I feel the mood.  Not because I feel like I have to, that way I will write more clearly and not so literal. Part of me thought about deleting some of those older posts ... but as I thought about it though, those experiences made me who I am today.  I'm the girl who took my life back with determination ..  I learned to love myself with this lifestyle change... I used to be so unhappy when I was big.  I thought I had limited options.

In less than 5 months, I have worked very hard to drop the 60 pounds I have lost just since June 15, 2013.  Even though my body is not perfect, I love it now.  It is shapely and curvy and so much smaller than it has been in years.   I have this to focus on... I'm not centered without purpose anymore and I don't feel like I have limited options.

In almost five months, I have not lost the focus of being healthy and strong... my knees are hurting less, my heart is thanking me big time, I gave up TV...  Also exercising is not an option, it is a necessity.  I don't want to take medication...  I want to be healthy.  I've come a long way... Still if I had reined myself in back then, I wouldn't be in this situation...  This is a huge lesson for me, we might think we are getting away with things at the time, eating poorly, not exercising, smoking... They all have consequences down the road... I am learning that and realizing how much harder I have to work now ....  At least I learned that lesson ... it seems like one I have had pop up a few times in my life and I finally listened.

I am hoping and praying that people can forgive me for being centered without any purpose for a long time, all I can say is that this has changed, I am busy and focused... I feel like I have endless options.  I would love to choose sleep though and I think I can get that with forgiveness which might allow me to sleep. The first person I want forgiveness from is me, I make mistakes, it's okay... I am not defined by them, I can grow from them and frankly I have.  I am finally centered with a purpose, for me to get in the best shape, body and mind... I am on the right path.