No More Hiding Behind The Weight

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

I have a question for all my blogger friends who have actually written a book and had it published.  Believe me I know it must have been quite the endeavor to do this ... ever since I have taken back my life with exercising and eating healthy, I have had many people in my life tell me how I need to write about it... I scoffed at them, as truly how many people have written weight loss books or how they finally got to the weight they desired?  More and more I have been thinking that maybe they are right, maybe it is time for me to sit down, compile a book of my journey?  I have everything documented either through my blog, my Facebook, My Fitness Pal or Map My Walk... nothing is all in one place.

I guess I wonder how viable it would be to sit down and put this all together in one place, starting from what actually got me started to what keeps me on this path?  I have had many people comment on how determined I am, I have always been determined... I just never channeled it in the right direction or the right places.  I allowed life issues to take over and I allowed myself to use one excuse after the other to not be the best I could actually be.  Maybe out of fear, I don't know... maybe writing the book whether it gets published or not might answer those questions for me.

All I know is that lately I can't scoff at it as easily as I did in the past, sometimes I will be laying in bed and I have written a chapter in my head just like that.. I even have chapter headings and a possible title.  I have always wanted to write, it has been a desire of mine since I was a little girl.  Unfortunately I allowed other people to define me and I let circumstances in my life make me feel less than I was... Even I can see that I have massive determination when I put my mind to it... people can have a food I used to love to eat and I don't feel like eating it, not in the least.  I feel like I want to be healthy and strong over anything else, I do not feel deprived.

I have overcome a fire that burned me and broke my family apart, I have come through childhood abuse by my ex step mother Ruth, I overcame being a young single mother raising my oldest daughter on assistance, I became stronger after all the abuse Andrey heaped on me in our marriage and the rape after we were separated and I survived losing the love of my life my David.  These are all defining moments that could have taken me down and led me to a path of self destruction but I found the strength to come through each of these and even at my lowest after losing my David romantically I found the desire to finally pull out the strength to get my life on track.

Nearly a year and a half after the break up I dug down deep and finally started my weight loss journey, with every pound I lost I started finding myself more.  I never realized how much I had hid myself behind the weight.  As much as I hated the weight, it was my way of keeping me from growing to my potential as the more I lost the more I realized I had nothing to hide behind anymore.  It was kind of scary since I had given up all the other things I did to hide behind too... I had a plan, a goal of sorts and that came crashing down around me a few weeks ago too, still I stayed with exercising and eating healthy.  I can no longer hide anywhere, as each day moves on from the other, I realize I don't want to hide anymore...

Truthfully, if I can get through all of these things that I did, I can lose the weight and become the best me... Now to write the book, if anything it might answer questions for me...