The Path That Is Leading Me

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

I am on my own tonight, that has not happened for a very long time... because my Cindy has been ill, I have Valentina all the time.  She used to spend a night at Cindy's house at least once per week, sometimes more... tonight Cindy was able to take her as I am participating in my 5K tomorrow.  I am excited that the day will finally be here, I plan to go to bed early and try to get as much rest as possible... I went for my last practice today and I am thrilled to say I kept my mile at an average of 14:42 per mile with a really large hill and another incline.  I don't want to make it easy for myself, that would be going on the track which is not what most 5K's are about.

In having this night for myself, I have time to think about things... It makes me wonder if what I always knew to be true was?  Or was it what I wanted it to be?  This past couple of weeks have opened my eyes in ways that I never knew they could be... I wrote the letter I needed to write but I haven't sent it... part of me wants to and the other part feels like it will finalize everything... What if I am not able to handle where the letter will take me?  What if it puts me in a place I can't come back from?  What if it changes everything?

Lately I am feeling like I have no one to just be myself with, everyone has so much going on, my Cindy is ill, really ill... I am very worried about her.  My David is busy with healing and other things, how I wish he and I could chat, I know it could change how I am feeling.  He always makes me laugh, he makes me see the sides of things I sometimes miss.  He is my best friend and he knows me inside out, no one knows me that well and I doubt that I would ever let anyone know me that well again.

Then again, I know my David that well too... as he has told me on many occasions... he has never been as opened with anyone as he has been with me, he feels safe with me as I feel safe with him... that's what friends do for each other, make each other feel safe.  He is the man I can always tell my secrets too and I will be the woman that will always be there for him... no matter what.  We will always be friends, nothing can change that, nothing ever will.  Just a couple of weeks ago, he told me that I am special to him and that I will always be that way to him and of course he is special to me. Sometimes life takes us on different paths but regardless of where his path and my path may lead, we will be intertwined as friends.

I am off to bed, I need to be up at 6:00 am as I need to be downtown for 8:00 am.  I will post the results tomorrow.  I am hoping to keep it under 46:00 minutes, I won't be running the whole thing but I will be walking as fast as possible, maybe next year I will be able to run the whole thing. I had a lot of weight I wanted to take off before I could actually run, it wouldn't have been good for my knees to put all that pressure on them, they are now starting to heal.  By next year I think they will be back to normal.

Thank you everyone for all the kind and encouraging words you have all given me, I am extremely grateful. This path I am on, the one to get healthy is one I will be on for the rest of my life and I am happy for that.  I am thankful that I finally see how important it is to eat healthy and to exercise too... I needed to do both together to be successful.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥