First Sleep, Then Dream

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

So, I finally have a pill that let me get some sleep last night, however; I will not be able to take a full one on work nights.  I woke up twice through the night but I was so tired both times that I fell right back to sleep.  I slept until nine am and I was in bed by ten pm, so it was a fairly decent sleep... unfortunately it left me feeling sleepy past lunch and I was not able to accomplish what I had hoped, oh well, at least I got some much needed sleep.  I can talk a lot at the best of times but look out when I haven't had sleep, I could talk your ear off then but I lose my train of thought easily too.

I am going to bed early tonight and take a whole one, it will be great to have two nights in a row... normally I am lucky to get one decent night per week.  Hence why I have been trying lots of ways to sleep.  I miss how I used to crawl into bed, have a few thoughts and then fall asleep for the whole night.... Those days are truly missed by me, that was before I felt like I have too many balls in the air and juggling them feels like they are becoming near impossible.  Being a single mama is tough, I feel like I let my child down because I am gone early in the morning, I get home late at night, I don't sleep so I am overly tired.

The whole thing is beyond hard, I know two parent families that have a rough time, doing it all by myself, every single day is overwhelming.  I am hoping that I will be able to continue to get some much needed sleep for a while, which will help me to feel more rested and then I will be more available.  That and if I could just resolve a few issues in my life, I am sure that would free up a couple of the balls I have in the air... I know this would help me to able to breathe a little easier.

Also, I lost my bus pass, so I had to dig down and buy bus tickets to get back and forth to work for the rest of the month. That means no Game Center, I will be walking outside for the rest of the month to have my exercise.  I am sure I will raise my speed by walking outside in this cold, I will want to get home quickly... I think I will take to walking to the bridge in the morning again, that was a great 40-45 minute walk for me and got my heart rate up.

I have to be creative when I have no extra money to get to the gym, especially before Christmas. Luckily for me, I only have a couple of people I buy for, Valentina and Jackson. As well, Valentina is pretty grateful for whatever she gets, she is easy to please and not to highly demanding. For this I am thankful, it is still going to be hard ... I will figure out some way though.  I think we should get our tree up the first week in December, so we can enjoy it for the whole month. 

Christmas and New Years are very difficult for me, it is a reminder of dreams.  I am just going to have to immerse myself in it this year, maybe I will be too busy to remember.  I hope one day I will be too busy to remember, I don't want the holidays to be hard forever, I want to be able to enjoy them again.  I am sure I will figure out a way to turn this around, I always do... somehow.