Trials Equal Blessings

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

I logically know that I cannot control anything,  yet I am continually trying to control something in my life.  Today I was at work and waiting in between calls, just thinking how far I have come since June 15, 2013, when I started my journey to get healthy and lose weight.  I got on the scale at work this morning and was pleasantly surprised that I was down 65 pounds since then, I have less than 25 pounds left that I want to lose.  This goal is so within my reach, I have taken to walking a little in the morning and at lunch.  I have been working late most of this week so I haven't been able to walk in the evening and Valentina has been sick for about 10 days so we have not been out to the Canada Games Center.

I am giving her the weekend to feel better, she is starting to but I don't want her over doing it and becoming sick again.  So, I won't be back to the gym until Monday... until then I am going to find times to walk, even if they're only for 15 or 20 minute intervals. It is better that I exercise a little than none at all.  I like that I don't dread going out and having to walk now, I usually get out, start walking fast, do a few sprints and then walk fast again... I always feel rejuvenated once I have been out and really pushed myself.

Everyone is saying it's great that I have lost the weight, some people think a little too fast, I don't think so, I really have put a lot of effort into this, besides I have found that it is the one thing I can control right now, eating healthy and exercising as much as I can.  Everything else in my life is up in the air, I personally need to have that one place that I don't feel like I am spinning out of control...  I just want a few things to settle in my life, so that I won't feel like I am going around in circles all the time.  It can be difficult to deal with when it sometimes feels like I don't get a break before the next trial is tossed my way.

I sound like I am not grateful but I am, I am really blessed and very thankful.  When I am having one thing handed to me before I feel like I have the last issue resolved, I start reminding myself of all the great blessings I have in my life.  Sure there are some missing pieces, we all have those but I have so much to feel gratitude for... some days I have to work a little more than others reminding myself of them.  However; I never give up on believing that nothing remains the same, life is always changing and just because my situation doesn't look great right now, does not mean that it won't or can't shift.

I honestly believe that each challenge I have been given in the past few months are ones that will help me to grow beyond what I thought I was capable of... I have to say though, it has been awful, really awful.  Those huge challenges might come with great rewards but while I am going through them, they are overwhelmingly tough.  Right now I am reminded of that story about how we are being sanded and polished with each challenge, I am thinking enough is enough.. a few rough edges are okay with me. Personally, I don't mind a few places that are not polished perfectly, that can come later... however; maybe I don't know best.

I guess I have to give up trying to figure out how to control everything in my life and remember that just because I cannot always see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know it is there because it has always been there.  I want to get through this and look back, breathe a sigh of relief and think wow, I made it through and it was worth it... maybe I can say that in the near future.