My Highs And Lows

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

Some decisions are nasty no matter what way you look at them, either way was a lose lose for me... Anyway I can't go back and change my mind now, I just have to keep hoping that one day it will feel like it was worth it.  I know this time of year is really rough for a lot of people, including me... until a couple of years ago, Christmas was great but a stressful time of year.  I looked forward to cooking, baking and decorating... last year that changed and this year does not seem better.  I have decided that this week I am going to focus on Christmas, get the tree decorated and get my Christmas shopping done and wrapped.

Then the following week I can do my cleaning done and get my grocery shopping done.  I think with a plan in place now I can finally get into the spirit of the season.  I want 2014 to be the year I change even more for the better, I know I can't wait for this year to be over, it was a year of loss... both good and bad.  Both of which were at the really high end and the really low end of emotions, kind of like a roller coaster...  the highs and lows left me feeling somewhat like I have just ridden one of them.

For the past two weeks I have been a little lax with my food, having a few things here and there that I shouldn't have but that has changed in the past couple of days.  I am not going to allow anything to get in my way of continuing on my weight loss, I don't have very much left to lose and I have a renewed excitement for it ...  I didn't go overboard by any means, I ate enough that I only lost one pound in the past 2 weeks, which is still good on it's own. So I cut myself a break for the last two weeks, since I was dealing with something.

I also got out last night and had a great walk, it only took 15 minutes either way but I power walked there up hill, it felt great and then walking home it was snowing and I ended up testing out running in the snow and that felt amazing.  I actually ran further in the snow than I have on dry pavement... I wasn't even out of breath, I only stopped because I was home.  I feel very lucky to be in the health that I am, six months ago I barely walked for more than five minutes at a time, now I love those challenging hills and the occasional runs.

I know exercising evens me out, I expend so much energy on a walk/jog that I exhaust myself, in a good way.  Lately I am not getting those great walks in and I miss them, last night showed me I can still keep up with walking even in the winter... I just have to watch out for ice and I need to layer up properly like Fitness Cheerleader says.  I am amazed at how much I have physically changed my body in six months, if I had known what I could have done in six months... I would have done it many years ago.  That is why I have decided to make some other changes now, so that they will be accomplished before the the next year is out.

I don't know when I gave up having goals when I was younger but life became more about the day to day mundane things, I want more than that now... more than just getting by.  The only way it is going to get better is if I decide to make it better.  So I have made that choice, I believe having goals is something that will help keep me directed on this path I am on now.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have to lose so much to gain other things.  Wishing won't change things though, as Oprah says, forgiving is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.