Making My Dreams Come True

Since I have written my last post about what I would like to tell my 15 year old self, I have had a change of heart.  I think being able to talk to myself at that age would be incredible but I highly doubt I would have listened and when I really took the time to think about it, I had to admit there was not a lot that I would change as each challenge that I had to overcome helped me to become who I am today.

Also, when I said I made the biggest mistake of my life and I was wondering if it had all been worth it, I didn't mean meeting him when I was 15.  Actually meeting him was wonderful, I would never regret that, being friends with him ... amazing.  I could say whatever I wanted and not feel like I was being judged for having those words or feelings.... What I regret was that we tried anything more than friendship, no matter how amazing it was for me and how unbelievably happy I was ... it wasn't worth the outcome in the end.

So I will never regret him but I will regret that it changed us, even though we tried hard not to let it... instead of talking to my 15 year old self... I think I would talk to my 47 year old self and tell myself to wait... slow down, I was in a hurry to live my dream and now everything has changed ... nothing is the same and I am left to really wonder if pure bliss was worth all the change. In this moment, I don't feel that it was...

When I weigh out the ups and downs...the good and bad... this one doesn't pass the test, it leaves me feeling like I jumped before I thought and now I have to live with the consequences... I miss what was before us... and no words I can write will ever explain how I am left to deal with the fall out of allowing myself to dream without thinking...

I highly doubt I will ever jump into anything blindly again without really thinking but I am allowing myself to dream again... there is nothing wrong with dreams, they can be wonderful but there are some dreams that were only meant to be dreams, living them out can bring too much pain and sadness.  With all that said, I am making new dreams; ones that will change my life totally... one day I hope that I can say that I went for a dream and it was completely worth it...

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