Living With The Joy And The In Betweens

I have been writing in my gratitude journal for 30 days straight now, I find it gives me a time to just reflect on what is really great that is going on in my life, it usually ends up that I write about the small things.  I think small things need to be celebrated, they are the steps we take on our journey to love ...

I finally have a word for how I have been feeling for the last six months, I am not ready to share it, for the moment it is just good enough that I know the word.  It has opened my eyes as to why I have been on such an emotional roller coaster.. I read another blog Friday night called .As Far As The Eye Can See, I have written about her before, she writes things that move me deeply.

What she wrote made me realize the word, I wrote in my other journal/blog Friday night... I wrote for over two hours.  I usually take the time to read it over and fix up the sentences.  Last night I was too tired, plus it gave me a lot to think about.  I have been feeling less joy lately but I don't allow myself to wallow in the feelings. Sometimes I cry and that is okay ... I laugh a lot too.  I have been in a why stage for so long ... when it doesn't matter why anymore. 

I opened a door finally... one which lead me to write for so long Friday night, it just poured out of me, no time was taken between thoughts... the next thought was there as soon as the last one was written.  Eventually I will will post it here, it is probably the most real I have ever been with my writing.  I tend to hold a little back for various reasons but mostly because although I share a great deal of myself... I haven't been ready to put it all out there. 

I slept for a little over three hours ... probably the longest stretch in six months.  I had decided to get groceries Friday night because I did not want to deal with the crowds on Saturday ... so that meant I had a day where I actually got some things done around the house, all the dishes are done and so is the laundry, I just have to get the floors done.  I can just imagine how much I could get done if I could sleep a little more.  At least the last two nights were headed in the right direction.  

I have made a few decisions for myself, one's I plan to share in my blog soon... I am first trying to get a little order in place so that I will be ready to move on with some of my plans.  Chaos and disorder do little to help me move ahead with ideas and plans, order is something I need a little of... otherwise I am just floating around, completing nothing. 

I wish I was better at letting go like some people but then I wouldn't be me who really feels... I would be them who never felt enough.  For when I have loved, I gave my heart and soul... I soared with joy... if I had held back, I never would have felt that joy, that is what people who hold back in life miss out on. So, although it is tough to feel emotions, I would much prefer to feel than to bury them and never really live.

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest //